Chronicle Editor
Andile Tshuma
Remember the advice, marry your best friend?
Those that followed it must be happiest now.
If you married for some other reason other than love, imagine being home 24/7 with a person with whom you can’t even share a 30-minute conversation with about stuff. You may end up talking about the weather.
Being together in a small space for a much longer period than usual under stressful conditions means more opportunities to amplify both positive and negative dynamics in relationships.
It’s easy for people to be head over heels in love during dating and courtship moments. It has been seen though that somehow, people do drift apart from each other, not that they don’t love each other anymore, or that there’s infidelity, but they just seem to be leading separate lives and coming home to sleep, share a few morning and evening hours together, only to go back to their busy lives outside of home.
Right now, with Covid-19, despite there not being a total lockdown in the country as it is happening at our neighbour’s house, South Africa, emphasis here is still on social distancing and having to stay at home, work from home, and keep away from public spaces as much as possible.
Even the social spaces that we so love to frequent are shutting down.
For the church goers, we saw the limited number of congregants at church services, with people sitting two metres apart, and then we had the home groups worship as it was seen that worshipping in 100s or less was still not safe.
Right now, all groupings, even of families, for worship, have been suspended by most churches in line with Government recommendations, so it means people will now worship as a family, or livestream church services.
There is usually comfort in numbers. For many people, church becomes an extension of the home, such that church becomes their life literally, as they know more about church affairs than what is happening at home.
For those kinds of people, I wonder how they are going to go through the next two or so months when there are no Sunday or Sabbath services and no Brother John and Sister Jane to spend time with after church and discuss upcoming church events, and ways to collect more tithes and offerings.
Some men and women are often known to put so much work into their church life, working with the pastors and Mai Mfundisi, to a point that the pastor and his wife are more important than the spouse and children.
The situation created by Covid-19 will show us that in actual fact, family is all we have and the people that you come home to everyday are the most important people in your life.
Apart from churches that have shut down, we have the workaholics who work 24/7 and will neglect their life outside of work. No friends, no sport, no beer, no church, just work. These ones will almost go insane if there is no work to be done.
We also have the special group, the ‘bhawa rangers’, who love to chill and drink at bars over anything else. They know the city night life better than they know stuff about their families. Many men are licking their wounds. Imagine life without Zara Lounge, Vivo, Vintage Shisha, Red Café, Extreme, Pub LaGondola, Smokehouse – the list is endless.
These places have become second homes to many men, and some women too. I know of a few colleagues, who spend so much time at Pub LaGondola such that if you are looking for them at certain times, you are more likely to find them at ‘Gondis’ than you would find them at home.
There is a lot happening at these drinking spots. People meet there for drinks, to seal deals, to let down and unwind. It’s not the problem. The problem is when a person starts spending more time at these places than they do at home.
Imagine now that bars and night clubs have been forced to shut down, so many men are literally ‘homeless’ in a sense. Imagine now having to readapt and learn a new routine of staying at home, and having your favourite drink in the ‘comfort,’ discomfort rather, of your house.
You start to notice so many things happening at home. Probably you have not had all three meals of a day at home in years. Now there is no more going koSis Bee for ‘the bones’ with the guys because they are at home and are practising social distancing.
People have all been so busy with their lives such that this social distancing issue will make many realise that they have been living lives totally detached from their families.
While we keep the distance and stay at home, let it be the time to mend broken relations, to introspect and to fix all that is broken, to consider the next move if it cannot be fixed.
It will surely be a long few weeks for people who have nothing in common and can’t share simple talk.
Being home won’t be so easy because even sport has been suspended, so there is no more escaping into the world of EPL. Talk to the people in that house, the fact that you are sharing the same roof means that they are the primary people in your life.
To the couples that have been loving each other and finding it hard to spend time apart from each other, lucky you. This is the best time for such couples.
Remember when people say marry your best friend. Imagine all the things you have wanted to do together at home but there have always been competing programmes, church, the guys, the in-laws, work and all. Right now, most of these things are at a halt. You may not have the freedom to go to many places, you are stuck at home as you are socially distancing, but this is your time to do all that you have wanted to do in the longest of times.
Just a thought, if companies can allow people to work from home with this crisis, we could consider this post Covid-19, even. How about allowing people to work from home from time to time, for ‘family friendly’ workplaces. Think about it, we discover today that you can do your accounting from home, your monitoring and evaluation, generally all work that can be done remotely. If home is your happy place, even the output will be good.
It is unfortunate that, if not handled well, this semi-lock down period may end in divorce for some couples. Perhaps it will just facilitate the process and act as a catalyst for long standing silent wars. But considering some of the above-mentioned challenges, some relationships may fail to sail through.
While this may be the best time for some, relations will come from this period either stronger or totally broken. Make an effort to work on yours and remember to stay at home if you are not needed elsewhere. Your staying at home and my staying at home means less chances of catching the virus and possibly infecting others.
How are spending your time during this tricky period?
Share your thoughts on +263 778 502 449 or Twitter handle @andile_tshuma
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