When he goes off . . .

Nhlalwenhle Ncube

WHENEVER one talks of a person being denied conjugal rights, many people are quick to assume that the affected party is a man. That is not always the case because there are women who are victims as their partners just aï¿½?aï¿½?go offaï¿½ï¿½aï¿½ï¿½.

If you have such a partner who has just gone off, it is your duty to turn him on and do not just suffer in silence.

Please sisters donaï¿½ï¿½t take this as an approval of forcing yourself on your partner.

But when there is consent, take it upon yourself to find the disconnected plug.Aï¿½ Men need to feel a certain way if you want them to perform. If you want him to be really deeply engaged in the relationship, you have to pay attention to his mind and emotions.

When a manaï¿½ï¿½s needs are met, they are automatically inspired to try harder, become better partners and aim for higher levels of success, not only within their intimate relationships, but in all other areas of life too.

To understand and achieve this, we must accept that men and women are a little different.

Women can be slightly more emotional and sway more to desire love and affection. Although men need these things too, they also place high value on being shown appreciation, being validated and respected. That is when they are at their best.

Here is an outline in understanding some of the things that men generally value highly within their relationships.

Men want a woman that they can have fun with. They want a buddy as well as a lover. Get involved in the things he enjoys; doing so will help with bonding and bringing you closer together. Do not be too serious as that can scare off your man and he becomes a stranger. It will not just end there but with time everything automatically goes off.

It is an undisputed fact that the sexual side of a relationship is one of the most important parts for creating intimacy and keeping the relationship healthy and alive. Men need to feel sexy, to know that we are attracted to them physically. However, generally speaking, men donaï¿½ï¿½t just love any sex, for a lot of men, they only find it fully pleasurable when they are in a committed relationship with someone they love.

They donaï¿½ï¿½t want it to be a chore or something they feel is one-sided aï¿½ï¿½ your pleasure is highly important to him. He wants to know how much you want it too. Be adventurous and explore each other. This is the one side to your partner that no one else has. Find new ways to keep it fresh and exciting: dress up, introduce fun props and find ways to give it an edge to really keep his mind thinking about you all day long.

When men have had a little space, they will bounce back stronger than before. Allow him his freedom and never resent it. Encourage him to submerge himself in his sports and friendships. Trust him, let him pursue his passions and allow him to find the things in life that define him, other than your relationship. Many women make the mistake of wanting to treat their partners as if they are toddlers who need to be checked after every minute. Give him space and do not be too nagging and clingy as this may result in him getting irritated by your behaviour. I have heard some colleagues when their partners phone and before answering they scream, aï¿½?Here comes troubleaï¿½ï¿½aï¿½ï¿½. Such actions contribute to him going off! Talk of load- shedding!!

Men love confident, happy, independent and secure women. It is not a manaï¿½ï¿½s place to make a woman happy, but it is her own responsibility. A relationship should complement and enhance your lives. When we are at our best, we are also at our most desirable. Love ourselves, appreciate ourselves, adore ourselves and those feelings will be mirrored back 10-fold. One of the greatest aphrodisiacs for a man is to be in the company of a self-assured, sensual woman who is comfortable in her own skin.

Be mysterious in subtle ways: surprise him occasionally, keep learning, have your own interests, let your partner know that there is a lot more to you than what meets the eye. Donaï¿½ï¿½t give everything all at once. Hold back, slow down and allow your uniqueness to penetrate him subtly and over time. There is no hurry. Donaï¿½ï¿½t rush love, sex or life, give yourself to him but a little at a time. Allow each part of you to absorb into him, and then leave him intrigued and desiring more.

Never stop flirting with your partner, no matter how long you have been together. If you donaï¿½ï¿½t then that is the reason you will find texts in his phone and he will apologise saying aï¿½?there is nothing with this woman, but we just flirtaï¿½?. Keep the sexual attraction strong by keeping tensions high with the occasional naughty or suggestive message.

Let him know how he makes you feel and what his body does to yours. Flirting is fun. Enjoy how it makes you both feel and say things to make him smile in a way he does when certain intentions are going through his mind.

All men need a woman who can ignite their spark, fuel their zest for life and make them want and desire her mind, body and soul. Connect, appreciate, explore, accept, allow and enhance each otheraï¿½ï¿½s qualities and unique characteristics. When all these things are in order, his brain becomes relaxed and releases chemicals which help sex to come naturally and that tightens the relationship bond.