Online Reporter
Fadzayi Maposah-Correspondent
Taurai is a workmate that became my friend. I found a young brother in him.
The fact that he has the same totem as my daughters allowed him when he chose to tell me how to mother his children.
Since he always made the girls laugh, they gave him the nickname Mr Bean after a popular UK comedian.
If he was Mr Bean, Taurai insisted that the girls would be Misses Bean as they were of the same totem. At his wedding, my two daughters were flower girls.
Shortly after the wedding, Taurai and his wife had a son who has grown into a very handsome young man. Instances like these that remind me how old I am.
I volunteered one Sunday to babysit so that they could have quality time. They brought the baby over with instructions regarding meal and nap times. As far as I was concerned, this was easy as I had already had two daughters, and one was already in primary school.
I thought too that I was experienced because on alternate Sundays, the girls would have a play date with Panashe and Zothi at our house.
On the days that we hosted Panashe and Zothi, I would have to observe how they played and provided snacks. What could be more demanding than having to be a match official, especially as Panashe, the only boy in the team, would want to play boy games and the three girls would vote against him and would call for me to meditate?
I was so convinced that I would ace babysitting a toddler!
Playing on the verandah the play date members had planned their activities for the day. What I had not done though was to inform them that they would have an additional member, and that the additional member did not speak as many words as they did and also he did not have the speed that they had when it came to doing things.
Panashe and Zothi also knew the new play date member. Panashe’s father, who was Zothi’s uncle, was my supervisor at work. I have also maintained my relationship with my former supervisor, although he ceased to be my supervisor in 2002 although we worked in the same organisation until 2007. It is a story for another day.
In the initial moments, the four play dates members all dotted on the baby. What I remember stopping them from doing was lifting him up. They fussed on him and I watched from a distance, happing that they were bonding with him. Babies will be babies.
The toddler did not understand that the toys on the verandah had been organised by people who had become used to a particular way of playing. They also had a routine that they followed. They seemed to have unwritten but well understood codes among themselves.
Having added a toddler into the mix had thrown them off balance, and they were not sure how to deal with him. I started by telling them that he was just a baby, but they did not want the term “just a baby” to be used even when he disrupted their routine. I had to ask them to give the baby some toys, and I would get him a mat to sit on under the tree where I was.
The baby did not behave or nap at the expected time. I had to come up with a plan that included carrying the baby and securing him on my back with a towel, walking around while gently rocking him so that he could sleep.
In a home that last had a baby ages ago, I had to make him comfortable on a mattress on the floor so that he would not roll a bed.
At this time, the girls slept on a bunk bed, even that was not appropriate for the baby. I had tried to child proof the house as best as I could before he came.
While the baby slept I took time to nap too, knowing that once he was up, I had to be up too.
I have been thinking of such instances now as I have to understand my mother who has dementia.
It is like living with a toddler who needs constant monitoring. If left unattended for a long time, she may do the unexpected.
When it is meal time, she has to be monitored so that she takes her food. Her thoughts can become distracted, and she starts doing something that has nothing to do with eating.
As her food gets cold, she may be engrossed in a book. She is no longer responsible for her medication, she is simply given medication and someone has to wait while she takes it.
When it is time to get ready for bed and one does not quickly get back to her, she can even start packing drawers, read her Bible or start texting! She has moments that she is anxious and I have realised that when she is in that state, there are more toilet visits.
On some days, she may ask the same question over and over again. These include: What is the time? What is the date? Has anyone seen my phone? She also tends to put away things and then forgets where those things are! There are days when she cannot stop asking for her identity card.
I have read so much regarding dementia. I have had people share their experiences with parents and relatives who have the condition, but having to stay with my mother in that condition has been an eye opener.
Just like having the toddler visit, all things have had to change. What appeared safe before she came may not be safe now.
Each time she gets up, someone has to take note where she has gone, what she is doing and what she is using.
Having stayed once with vaMaMoyo, my grandmother, I thought staying with my mother in her old age was easy. It is not the same. I can understand now why some people simply put witchcraft as the cause of unexplained behaviour.
One may simply have become emotionally drained and confused that they have no idea what else to do. With the gate left open, my mother can walk out and get lost because even now she tends to forget which location she is in.
It is important to read about health conditions, no matter how distant or far-fetched, they may appear so that when one has the condition at home, it becomes easier to handle.
Then it is time to adjust and share the toys . . .
