Online Reporter
Dr Muso
“I DON’T know what to do anymore. My children don’t listen to me. They answer me back whenever I correct them. They don’t respect me. The school is always calling me because of disciplinary cases. They are involved in smoking, drinking alcohol, watching pornography, stealing, dating older men and engaging in other risky behaviours. I am tired.”
These are the painful words of many parents today. Raising children has become increasingly challenging in a world filled with negative influences. Many parents feel overwhelmed, discouraged and even ashamed when their children repeatedly make poor choices despite their efforts to guide them. However, no parent should lose hope. Although the situation may seem difficult, positive change is still possible through patience, consistency and the right support.
The first step is for parents to remain calm. It is natural to feel angry, disappointed or hurt, but reacting with uncontrolled emotions often makes matters worse. Constant shouting, insults or harsh punishment may push children further away instead of drawing them closer. Children need firm boundaries but they also need parents who are willing to listen and understand what may be influencing their behaviour.
Parents should also take time to understand the root causes of the problem. Every behaviour has a reason. Some children act out because they are seeking attention. Others are influenced by friends, social media, substance abuse, family conflict, trauma or a lack of positive role models.
Some are struggling emotionally but do not know how to express their feelings. Before dealing with the behaviour, parents should try to understand what lies beneath it.
Communication is one of the most powerful tools in parenting. Create opportunities to have calm, honest conversations with your children. Instead of speaking only when there is a problem, spend time talking about their lives, friends, dreams, fears and challenges. Listen more than you speak. Children who feel heard are often more willing to accept guidance.
Parents must also establish clear rules and consistent consequences. Every family should have expectations regarding respect, honesty, school attendance, household responsibilities, curfews and acceptable behaviour. Children should know exactly what is expected of them and what will happen if they break the rules. Consequences should be fair, consistent and aimed at teaching rather than humiliating.
Another important responsibility is supervision. Parents need to know where their children are, who their friends are and what they are doing online. Many risky behaviours begin through peer pressure or unrestricted access to harmful content on phones and the internet. Setting healthy limits on screen time, monitoring online activity and encouraging responsible use of technology are essential in today’s world.
Schools should be seen as partners rather than places that only report problems. Parents should maintain regular communication with teachers, guidance and counselling departments and school administrators. Do not wait until you are called for disciplinary issues. Attend meetings, ask about your child’s progress and work together to develop strategies for improvement.
When behaviours such as smoking, alcohol use, pornography, stealing, violence or risky sexual relationships become persistent, parents should seek professional help. Guidance and counselling teachers, school counsellors, psychologists, social workers, religious leaders and trusted family members can all provide valuable support. Asking for help is a sign of strength and commitment, not failure.
Parents should also examine the home environment. Children often learn from what they see. Respect, honesty, kindness, self-control and responsibility should be modelled by adults in the home. If parents expect respectful behaviour, they must also speak respectfully to one another and to their children. The home should be a place where love and discipline exist together.
It is equally important to recognise and praise positive behaviour. Many children hear only criticism. When parents acknowledge even small improvements, children become more motivated to continue making better choices. Encouragement builds confidence and strengthens the parent-child relationship.
Children also benefit from being kept meaningfully occupied. Encourage them to participate in sports, music, church activities, community service, reading programmes, debating clubs, or other constructive hobbies. Young people who are engaged in positive activities are less likely to spend their time in harmful behaviour.
Finally, parents must never give up on their children. Many successful adults today admit that they went through difficult periods during adolescence. What changed them was the unwavering love, guidance and persistence of caring adults who refused to abandon them. Every child has the potential to change.
Parenting has never been easy, and there is no perfect parent or perfect child. The goal is not to raise children who never make mistakes but to raise young people who learn from their mistakes and grow into responsible adults. Continue to love your children, pray for them, guide them firmly and seek support when necessary. Your influence as a parent remains one of the greatest forces in your child’s life.
Remember, children do not need parents who give up on them, they need parents who remain present, set healthy boundaries and continue believing that change is possible. Today’s rebellious child can become tomorrow’s responsible adult when family, school and community work together with patience, wisdom and hope.
Dr Manners Msongelwa is an author, educationist and youth coach. He can be contacted on +263 771 019 392
