Sundaymail Editor
I AM a 32-year-old woman married to a man of the same age. We have two wonderful sons. We run a business together, though I am formally employed elsewhere.
I am a career woman. I work 24/7, so it is my husband who runs the family business most of the time. My neighbour’s daughter did not do well at Advanced Level.
I reached out to her parents to ask if they could let her be my husband’s personal assistant, instead of just sitting at home.
My spouse reluctantly agreed because he was thinking of engaging his brother’s daughter, who was less qualified.
Our neighbours are just as good as our parents; we get on very well, and this girl calls me big sister. Eighteen months into this arrangement, things started to look suspicious.
My hubby now comes home late and he is always busy, together with his personal assistant.
I have heard a lot from the grapevine that these two are now inseparable.
Some even say they are seen at odd places and leisure outlets together. I am heartbroken, to say the least, but I do not know how to approach this issue.
I have not spoken to anyone about it because I do not want to end up being the fool. How do I handle this, Amai?
Response
I want to applaud you for being calm under these circumstances. Patience is a virtue. The grapevine is abuzz but you still have not found the smoking gun yet. You did not mention what type of business your spouse is into.
This could have helped me to make sense of the places and hours they work. Why don’t you have a candid talk with your hubby about the concerns you have in light of the sudden change of routine?
You are also in good books with the woman’s parents, so why not talk to them about what you are constantly hearing?
If they are as good as you say, they will be able to bring this to their daughter’s attention and monitor her movements.
I understand your frustration because you are the one who initiated this job arrangement. I wish you all the best.
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Sister-in-law is bitter
Dear Amai, thank you very much for your column in The Sunday Mail. I am a married mother of two, a boy and a girl. My son is 13 and my daughter is 11.
Last school holiday, my husband invited my brother’s son, who is the same age as ours, to come over and keep each other company. The boys had a wonderful time, so did our daughter; they were a wonderful trio.
Two days before my nephew went back home, he broke the dressing table mirror while they were playing.
We were all relieved because he was not hurt and it was quickly replaced.
I cautioned him to be mindful of his surroundings when running about and he took heed.
When we took him back, I told my brother about the incident and we all laughed it off.
He said the boy was in the habit of breaking things, even at their home. A few days ago, I was thinking of inviting him over for the Easter holidays, so I called his mother.
I got the shock of my life when she said he would not come because he may break more things and she wanted to pay for the replacement of the mirror.
I wondered where such nonsense came from. My husband was equally surprised. Amai, would it be a good idea if I asked my brother?
Response
Dear writer, thank you for writing in. Well done for inviting your nephew to come and spend the holidays with you.
It is a noble thing to do. Please, do not let this one isolated mishap destroy the bond that exists between your families.
Kids will always be kids. This could have happened even at your brother’s house. I think your sister-in-law was off track.
There was no need for her to talk about the replacement.
She is trying to make a mountain out of a molehill.
The kids were playing and the mirror was not broken intentionally, and it is already water under the bridge. Why rub salt into the wound? Do not take this to heart. It is not good for the kids themselves.
I suggest, when you speak to your brother next time, talk to both of them without any hard feelings. Take it easy. I wish you all the best.
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Fiancé likes flashy lifestyle
I am a 26-year-old guy and I have been dating a woman aged 24.
We intend to have our traditional marriage in the first week of May. When I think that most of the plans are now in place, I get chills down my spine.
I do not think I quite understand my fiancé yet. She focuses too much on competition at her office.
She is obsessed with gifts and money. I told her that I was not going to buy her any big present for Valentine’s Day, except a bouquet of red roses because I am trying to save whatever I can for the big day, which is around the corner.
When I told her this, there was a verbal fight.
She then said she was going to ask her sister to send something because it would look better at the office. Amai, what is this all about? I have to think twice now. I am very upset.
Response
This time around, I received many letters on Valentine’s Day.
Let me get straight to the point.
I think your girlfriend needs to act in a more mature manner, now that you want to commit yourselves to marriage.
Gifts are personal. They have nothing to do with the office and people’s approval. Valentine’s Day will come and go every year, but good relationships will stand the test of time.
Life is not about competition; we should appreciate each other and what we have. You say you do not understand her anymore.
I suggest both of you go for pre-marital counselling. Marriage is a lifetime commitment. You should go into this with a very clear mind. I wish you all the best.
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