dyton mupawaenda
Tope Adebola
When it comes to helping victims of abuse, the church is often seen to be lacking in rigorous responses.
There is a tendency to downplay the abuser’s actions and focus on the survivor’s response.
This can lead to survivors seeking refuge in places outside the church, such as psychologists’ offices.
Instead of joining the crowd to accuse the church of not being a safe place, I decided to bite the bullet and trust a few people with my entire story.
Everything from soup to nuts. A scary but worthwhile endeavour because I did not just want a sympathetic ear, but someone to point me towards ultimate truth: there is a God who cares.
I found that the combination of healthy fellowship and sound biblical counselling went a long way towards my healing from abuse.
I did not just want a sympathetic ear, but someone to point me towards ultimate truth: there is a God who cares.
We still have miles to go in interpersonal soul care. But this does not mean God’s people cannot be an effective element in healing from abuse.
So, why do people struggle to turn to the church?
What should we do about that? Does turning to psychology mean turning away from God? Where can and should those who have survived abuse turn?
Slow in seeking refuge in the church
Toxic positivity is often what the church offers hurting folks who face abuse and abusive situations.
Survivors are expected to accept the apologies of the abuser, and do all the work of forgiveness and reconciliation.
The approach used by the church often rushes to defend perpetrators of abuse.
Contrary to this, Jesus’ heart went out to the downtrodden and marginalised. The leaders who abused their power and position received sharp words from Christ, words that were not at all friendly or positive.
The church ought to be the safest place for a hurting Christian brother or sister.
There is also a lot of ends-justifying-the-means going on when it comes to accepting the apologies of an abuser.
The hurt person is told that the abuser is not that bad of a person since they have accomplished x goal in life.
The church ought to be the safest place for a hurting Christian brother or sister.
However, it is not.
Hence the growing popularity of self-help resources within the church. Self-help resources are often rooted in psychology which causes many biblical leaders to squirm with discomfort. A good leader pushes past the unpleasantness to try and understand psychology enough to see its attractions for his people.
Quick in turning to psychology
Psychology tends to offer rather accurate diagnoses of the human condition but many of its solutions are often at odds with the Christian worldview.
Psychology remains attractive though, because there seems to be a willingness—sadly not found in most churches—to address the tough stuff.
In church, there seems to be a lot of minimisation of sin and levelling of sin. What psychologists are quick to call pathological, a Christian will respond by saying ‘don’t judge lest ye be judged,’ or ‘they are just sinners; we are all sinners.’ It is little wonder psychology is a huge draw for many hurt Christians.
A good biblical counselling session will lead its benefactors back to God.
But there is a happy place where Christianity and psychology meet, and that is in biblical counselling.
Here, biblical categories of human behaviour are used, such as ‘wicked’ and ‘good,’ instead of psychological ones. Survivors of abuse are reminded of the ultimate truths about the Christian religion and are gently taught to apply them to their specific situations. They are encouraged to pursue fellowship as emphasis is laid on the importance of church life. A good biblical counselling session will lead its benefactors back to God, from whom they can expect perfect justice and compassion.
There is no lasting refuge without God
Ultimately, of course, we are to seek refuge in God. Psalm 62:8 calls us to trust in him at all times, to pour out our heart before him because he is a refuge for us. But this can prove a challenge for some who through church experiences and severe hurts in their personal lives are left wondering if God actually cares about our emotions. The entirety of Psalms shows that he does.
Psalm 121:4 tells us that God neither sleeps nor slumbers and in Psalm 10:14 we see he takes careful note of mischief and vexation.
For healing we need fellowship
Victims of abuse tend to lose their trust and faith in humanity. This can often translate to a loss of trust in God. But they can take heart because we serve a God who sees. – TGC Africa
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