Dear Amai, I hope I find you well. My wife and I have been married for eight years and we are blessed with two children. We are both gainfully employed.
My wife is a jewellery fanatic. Every now and then, she buys expensive rings and wears them, sometimes even replacing her wedding band. I feel uncomfortable seeing her wear rings that do not signify her marriage to me.
I have never removed my wedding ring because I understand its significance; removing one’s ring is equivalent to claiming to be single. I tried talking to her about this issue, but she refuses to listen. How can I make her understand?
Response
Hello and thank you for asking. I am doing very well. A wedding ring is a vital symbol that signifies the solemn vows a couple has taken. Your wife does not need to remove her wedding band for the sake of fashion, as dress rings should traditionally be worn on the right hand.
I always emphasise that pre-marital counselling is essential so that couples understand the significance of these symbols before committing. I suggest that you both revisit your marriage officer to appreciate the true meaning and importance of wedding rings. I hope to hear from you again soon.
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Wife accusing my
family of witchcraft
Dear Amai, I follow your column religiously and have learnt a lot from your guidance. I am a middle-aged married man and a father of three. My spouse and I run businesses that sustain our family.
My wife often has clairvoyant dreams, a fact that is well-known to everyone at our church. She experiences frequent nightmares and claims that the people who appear in them most often are my mother and my elder sister.
My mother has been subjected to terrible name-calling that I cannot bring myself to repeat, and I simply cannot take it anymore. The church has now involved itself in the matter, but I want to avoid having church elders arrested.
What can I do to put an end to this nonsense? These so-called dreams have created immense tension in our home, and my mother has stopped visiting us.
Response
Dear writer, thank you so much for supporting my column. Reading your letter made me deeply sad.
It is hard to comprehend how some churches operate, particularly when they take sides in family squabbles based on mere allegations and dreams.
No one should be accused of wrongdoing simply because they appeared in someone’s dream.
If your wife continues to experience these nightmares, she should consult a somnologist to evaluate her sleep patterns and address any potential parasomnia.
Until a medical assessment is done, ask your wife to refrain from making further accusations. The church must also remain neutral, as this is a private family matter that ought to be resolved as discreetly as possible.
Try your best to avoid burning bridges or engaging in name-calling.
Imagine the shock and embarrassment if this turns out to be a medical condition rather than any fault of the family members she is accusing. Show maturity and work towards unifying both sides of the family by convening a formal family meeting.
Where is your father in all of this? Be sure to involve your in-laws as well to help restore peace.
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I smell a rat
Makadii Amai? I am on the verge of tears as I write to you. A fortnight ago, my husband said he was driving to the supermarket to get a few drinks. Our twin toddlers cried because they wanted to go with him, but he left them behind, which was unlike him.
He was gone for a full hour and a half. As he drove back, he stopped at a nearby bus stop and dropped off our domestic helper, who was returning from her weekend off.
My sister witnessed this entire encounter and confronted her, noting that she had not even arrived from the direction of the main road. My husband insists he simply bumped into her and offered her a lift.
However, I keep asking myself why he dropped her off less than a kilometre from our house when they were both heading to the same home.
I have since fired her and hired a male helper instead, as our children are all boys.
My husband still refuses to discuss the matter. Please advise.
Response
Ndiripo kana muripowo.
Your husband certainly acted suspiciously, and his behaviour raised red flags. If he had genuinely given the helper a casual lift, there would have been no reason to drop her off just short of your home rather than driving her all the way to the gate.
Dropping her off nearby creates the impression that he was trying to hide something.
While I cannot comment on your decision to dismiss her and hire a male helper — since that choice has already been made — the underlying context is clear.
I view your prompt action as a decisive move to protect your home and peace of mind.
Since your husband is currently unwilling to address the issue, give him a little time, but revisit the conversation when you are both calm.
In the meantime, stay observant and keep monitoring the situation closely. I wish you all the best.
Feedback: beckychisamba @gmail.com
