malvernmugadzikwa
Mudzimba
Dr Chisamba
Dear Amai, I hope I find you well. I am aged 34 and my wife is 33. We are blessed with two lovely kids. My wife is very wasteful. At times I hide money from her so that we can save. We have a combined budget, but we also have our own personal accounts.
I hid US$1 500 in a sock and put it at the back of one of my drawers. I thought she would never find it. My wife asked for some money to pay for items she deemed critical and I swore that I did not have any money on me. I do not know how she found the cash, but she took all of it, paid the bills and bought some groceries.
Last weekend, she put all the receipts for these transactions and US$50 change on my pillow and said nothing. I looked for the sock and discovered that it was neatly folded and placed on top of the rest of my other things. There is a lot of tension in the house because we did not talk about this matter. I am very angry because she is a thief. How do we break the ice, Amai?
Response
Dear writer, thank you very much for reaching out to me. I am very well and thanks for asking. From your communication, I can sense that the two of you have trust issues and desperately need help. You should never keep large sums of money in the house. It is not safe; always use the bank. When I look at your issue, you are both to blame. Your wife should not have taken the money without your knowledge. As for you, why do you hide money from your spouse? Parties to a healthy marriage have no secrets. Calling her names does not solve anything. In this case, I think you turned her into a thief. The only way forward is for you to become the bigger person and talk to your wife about what happened and then go for professional counselling. Focus on communication and developing trust. I would be happy to hear from you again.
******************
I need a new job
DEAR Amai, how are you? I am a 20-year-old househelp. I decided to take up this job because I did not do well at Ordinary Level. I attained passes in three subjects only and would like to resit exams in two others when I raise the money. I work for a couple who are both pastors. Their schedule is quite overwhelming. Of concern is that I have my own church, where I wish to fellowship with other congregants on Sundays or to visit family members and friends since that is when I will be off.
Instead, I am asked to go to their church and perform duties like ushering and decorating the place on the day. Given the nature of their job as pastors, they get a lot of visitors. I start work early and go to bed each day after 10pm. At times they force me to go for evening prayers. I am very unhappy. In some instances, I am tempted to run away. I am a Christian just like them, but they should appreciate that our denominations are different and should be respected. Amai, please help. I am being taken advantage of.
Response
I am very well and thanks for asking. Your bosses are being grossly unfair. I assume there is no employment contract in place. In the absence of this important document, you will always cry foul.
Off day means one is not doing anything that is work-related. It is unfair for them to engage you to assist at their church or home unless prior arrangements are made by both parties.
Running away is not an option.
Please sit down with them and discuss the terms and conditions of your job. If you want to leave, do it in the correct manner and serve your notice. Last but not least, well done for staying determined to continue with your education. It opens bigger and better doors in life. I wish you all the best.
*****************
My wife is too controlling
I am a married father of three. My wife and I are both gainfully employed. My wife is too controlling. I feel I am one of the kids because we are given the same treatment. She micromanages me and I am now tired of this. At times I feel very embarrassed in front of the family and friends.
One of my colleagues, a fellow boss at work, is celebrating his silver wedding anniversary in June and has asked me to be his best man.
The guy who was supposed to be his best man passed away last year.
My wife says I cannot have any other woman as my partner at that wedding.
She demands that she be invited, otherwise I will not be allowed to attend.
She even wanted to call the groom had I not intervened.
We had a very bad fallout and she continues to threaten me, saying she will mess everything up if I do not take heed. Wedding plans are at an advanced stage. What should I do, Amai?
Response
Hello writer, your letter made my reading very sad. I am sorry about your wife’s behaviour. It is distasteful to say the least.
It is a shame for a mother of three to act like a spoilt brat. Why is she failing to understand that this is not her anniversary?
It is not your day; and as such, she cannot impose herself on the couple. It is up to the bride to pick her team just as you were chosen by the groom.
You need to go for professional counselling because she is troublesome.
In the meantime, sit down and have a candid talk as a couple. Please put your foot down as the head of the house.
There is no need for her to throw a tantrum over things she has no control over. Has she always been like this? If not, find out what triggered this kind of behaviour.
If push comes to shove, in the interest of time, you can ask your church pastor to assist you. I wish you all the best.
Feedback: [email protected]; 0771415474.
Online Reporter