malvernmugadzikwa
Mudzimba
Dr Chisamba
Dear Amai, I hope I find you well. I am a married man and a father of four children.
The problem that I have is that I am in a very unhappy relationship because of my wife’s infidelity. I work away from home and used to visit only during weekends.
My wife took advantage of my absence and decided to have a boyfriend. Sometime back, I took a few days off and went home unannounced.
I was shocked to find that the kids had been left alone, only for her to return home around midnight. We had a very bad fallout and I forcefully took her phone. What I saw was shocking, to say the least.
I could not believe my eyes when I saw the chats and nude pictures that she was sharing with her boyfriend.
I called her aunt and showed her what I had discovered. She was equally shocked and promised to take up the issue with my in-laws. I am legally married to this woman, under Chapter 5.11 of the Marriages Act. It has been four years now and auntie has never come back with an answer.
I tried to persuade my wife to live a clean life but she still talks to her boyfriend and behaves wildly. I decided not to visit home.
I have not seen my kids in the last six months. I now have a girlfriend whom I want to marry and move on with, despite the fact that I am not divorced. Does it matter? Amai, please assist.
Response
I am very well and thanks for asking. Your story made my reading very sad. I am especially concerned about the welfare of the children. Your wife seems unrepentant. It is irrational for a mother of four to get involved in such an affair. Your marriage is already on the rocks. Dating someone out of wedlock on your part only adds fuel to the fire. You are both wrong.
A Chapter 5.11 union is supposed to be monogamous. At this juncture, I think you must file for divorce and go your separate ways. Children have rights; go to a civil court and map a way forward for them. It is the first step to safeguard their welfare once you have concluded this unfortunate chapter with your wife. You both need to try to be responsible parents for the sake of your children.
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Frustrated beyond measure
I am working as a househelp out of desperation.
I had greater ambitions that never materialised. I do not know if you can help me. The couple I am working for is very loving and blessed with two teenage children.
What I hate the most is that I am forced to wear a uniform. In addition, I am referred to as sisi, which I also do not like.
People should use my name when they call me. I do not want to be told what to do. I feel belittled.
Even their children tell me what they want done. I just wonder what I am doing here.
As a result, I am mostly tense. I need the job but please help me.
Response
Dear writer, thank you very much for reaching out to me. I will try to respond to you based on the little that you have told me.
Being addressed as sisi is a term of endearment. It is out of respect and literally translates to sister. Imagine a young child calling you by name to ask for a favour! It would not seem appropriate. When you decide to work for someone, you abide by their rules.
It is not up to you to choose to wear a uniform or not. I do not think you are the right candidate for domestic work.
Perhaps you are better off working elsewhere. But should you decide to move on, give your boss adequate notice.
Please remember that humility and patience will serve you well in any line of work you choose to do in the future. I wish you all the best.
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Is the end in sight?
Hello Amai. I am a 35-year-old man and I have been dating the same lady for the past five years. She is 27 and we are both gainfully employed. I wanted us to get married traditionally this year but I am beginning to see the bad side of my girlfriend. She has all of a sudden become moody and very uncooperative. At times, I call her and she only answers when she wants to.
The other day I did a video call and I could hear a man’s voice in the background. We used to exchange our phones whenever we felt doing so but that has changed. She has even put a pin code. I am confused, Amai. I do not know what to do. Please help me.
Response
Greetings writer, thank you for your communication. You have been going out for a long time and you must understand each other better by now. From your letter, I sense there is something going on in your partner’s life. These changes do not just happen.
Have a sit-down with her about why she is changing.
If she is still serious about you, go for professional premarital counselling. I do not understand why you ever exchanged phones in the first place.
What was it in aid of? When trust is present in a relationship, you do not need to check on your partner to see if they are cheating on you or not. Put your house in order before you rush into marriage. I would be happy to hear from you again.
Feedback: beckychisamba@ gmail.com; 0771415474.
Online Reporter