Online Reporter
Laina Makuzha
LOVE by DESIGN
Compliments of the season! As the holidays unfold and the year draws to a close, I pray you are well and at peace.
One question that often stirs debate in relationships is this: what does it really mean to support a man? Is support about carrying his burdens, fixing his flaws, or simply standing beside him? Many men are raised to believe their worth lies in being providers.
A colleague with strong views on the matter said men stood to lose out on good relationships if they couldn’t provide, claiming the partner would simply leave them. He added: “Inini hangu I stand by this: A man should just work hard to provide for his partner or family. Kana mune vana vevakomana, teach them to work hard and be providers, don’t sugar coat it, vanosara. Ipapo ngatisatombo nyeperana..”
But what actually happens when circumstances shift as we have seen them do in modern times — when the woman becomes the breadwinner, or when a man struggles to provide? Does this wound his identity? Does it cause him to reject counsel from his partner? And do women, in turn,really lose respect when provision falters? These are not small questions — they touch the very heart of harmony in the home.
Early this week, I came across a lively debate in a WhatsApp group that seemed fuelled by an article titled “Stop building men: support them, don’t construct them.” The piece argued that:“Women were never called to build men. The Bible is clear — helpmeet, not builder… A builder creates something from nothing, while a helpmeet supports what God is already forming.”
It warned that women who take on the role of “builder” risk becoming “temporary”:
“Once a building is finished, the builder is no longer needed. The house remains — but the builder leaves. That is why some women are shocked when a man suddenly says, ‘I’ve outgrown you,’ or starts looking elsewhere.”
The article concluded:“It’s often not because you were insufficient — but because you were never meant to be the builder, only the partner.”
While these words were thought-provoking, I felt they carried undertones that could be misinterpreted and potentially hurtful to some. Thankfully, group members – men and women of faith – offered thoughtful responses. I had somehow missed input by Dr. Aderino Nyabanga, a respected marriage coach, servant of God and founder of the group. So I reached out to him for his perspective which I figured would bring balance and clarity.
Dr. Nyabanga began: “While the article raises some thought-provoking and partially accurate points, it unfortunately comes across as reactionary and emotionally driven. As a servant of God, I must respond not out of debate, but with biblical clarity, pastoral balance, and spiritual discernment.”
He affirmed that women are called to be helpers (Genesis 2:18), not saviours or supervisors, and reminded us that unless God Himself is the builder (Psalm 127:1), human effort is futile. He cautioned women against exhausting themselves by trying to force potential into fruit, urging instead discernment and spiritual maturity.
At the same time, he warned against what he termed underlying ‘bitterness’ in parts of the article. He noted that Scripture is full of examples where women uplifted men — Abigail guiding David (1 Samuel 25), Deborah strengthening Barak (Judges 4), Esther interceding for her people (Esther 4). These stories show that godly support is not weakness, but strength.
Dr. Nyabanga concluded: “Kingdom relationships involve mutual building, servant-hearted love, and shared growth. The idea that helping someone grow makes you ‘temporary’ is not a biblical mindset but a trauma-driven one. Love still builds — in truth, in grace, and in God’s order.”
Other voices echo this. Pastor David, writing on Christianity Path, reminds us that provision is not just financial: “Being a provider is about love, care, and meeting the needs of our families in many ways.” Jamie Wilson of Scripture Savvy adds: “Marriage is a partnership, and the Bible highlights the importance of mutual support. Wives are encouraged to stand by their husbands, but husbands must also lead with Christ-like love.”
Relationship coach Jillian Turecki notes that many breakups stem not from big betrayals but from “micro-rejections” — small dismissals of each other’s needs that pile up over time.
So how must support for the man work? It is not about blind sacrifice or silencing women’s wisdom,but rather about:
Mutual respect — men honouring women’s counsel, women affirming men’s leadership.
Shared provision — recognising that in today’s world, either spouse may carry financial responsibility, but both must carry emotional and spiritual provision.
Communication — replacing silent resentment with honest dialogue.
Accountability — men growing in responsibility, women growing in discernment.
The festive season is a time of reflection and renewal. What will you choose to change, improve, or learn in your relationships as the new year beckons? May it be your most fulfilling, prosperous, and love-filled year yet.
I would love to hear your thoughts and insights on this topic. Share your reflections in the comments section or send them to the contact details provided.
Closing blessing
May the Lord grant wisdom to every couple, strength to every home, and grace to every heart. May husbands rise with accountability, wives flourish with discernment, and love remain the cornerstone of every covenant. As Christ builds His church, may He also build your marriage – strong, enduring, and filled with joy. In the name of Jesus Christ.
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Peter Tanyanyiwa