WOMEN’S FORUM: Foster emotional intimacy

Nhlalwenhle Ncube

A GOOD sexual relationship is built on emotional intimacy and closeness. In other words, if you are hoping to improve your physical relationship, you need to first work on your emotional connection.

Focus on meeting your partner’s needs and communicating your own needs in a loving, respectful way. You have to get this right then your home will be a peaceful place where love rules.

Most people have got it wrong because they think of themselves first then the other party becomes secondary in everything. Couples who want to rekindle their passion and love need to turn towards each other. Practising emotional attunement can help you stay connected even when you disagree.

This means turning toward one another by showing empathy, instead of being defensive. Both partners need to talk about their feelings in terms of positive need, instead of what they do not need. Expressing a positive need is a recipe for success for both the listener and the speaker because it conveys complaints and requests without criticism and blame.

This requires a mental transformation from what is wrong with one’s partner to what one’s partner can do that would work. During the early phase of marriage, many couples barely come up for air due to the excitement of falling in love.

Unfortunately, this blissful state doesn’t last forever. Scientists have discovered that oxytocin (a bonding hormone) released during the initial stage of infatuation causes couples to feel euphoric and turned on by physical touch.

It actually works like a drug, giving you immediate rewards that bind you to your lover. Holding hands, hugs and tender touch are great ways to affirm your love for your partner.

Physical affection sets the stage for sexual touch that is focused on pleasure.

Sexual attraction is hard to maintain over time so you need to set a goal of doubling the length of time you kiss, hug and sensual touch.

Not being intimate is a recipe for disaster. You have to change your pattern of initiating for sex. Hold hands more often because holding hands, hugging and touching can release oxytocin causing a calming sensation.

Studies show it’s also released during sexual orgasm. Additionally, physical affection reduces stress hormones lowering daily levels of the stress hormone cortisol. It is also said that brains experience more pleasure when the anticipation of the reward goes on for some time before you receive it.

So take your time during foreplay, share fantasies, change locations and make sex more romantic. Always try and not disturb intimacy time.

Plan intimacy time and avoid talking about relationship problems and household chores in the bedroom.

Sexual arousal plummets when you are distracted and stressed. Carve out time to spend with your partner. Try a variety of activities that bring you both pleasure. Have fun courting and practice flirting as a way to ignite sexual desire and intimacy.

Everything positive you do in your relationship is foreplay! Focus on affectionate touch. People associate foreplay with sexual intercourse, but affectionate touch is a powerful way to demonstrate and rekindle passion even if you are not a touchy-feely person.

Practice being more emotionally vulnerable during sex. Maintain a sense of curiosity about sexual intimacy. Experiment with new ways to bring pleasure to each other.

Look at sex as an opportunity to get to know your partner better over time. Vary the kind of sex you have. It does not have to be routine.

Break up the routine and try new things as sexual needs change.

Don’t fight and accuse him because he is trying to introduce something new in the bedroom.

Some partners rush to make wrong conclusions when the other party tries to explore and improve his game. The good news is that allowing your partner to influence you can reignite the spark you once enjoyed.

Couples who are well versed in each other’s likes, dislikes, personality quirks, hopes and dreams are couples who make it.

Even if you are not a touchy-feely person, increasing physical affection and emotional attunement can help you to sustain a deep, meaningful bond.

Fulfilling each area of intimacy helps to strengthen a bond, this is often a natural part of developing a relationship, but as you get closer to an individual the intimacy can die down. Find ways to put your love on display and show your spouse that you care for and support them.

Intimacy is displayed when two people know and care for each other. Typically, to be truly intimate, these individuals are open, familiar, and vulnerable in their relationship.

Intimacy supplements a close personal bond. While it can be important to friendships as well as relationships between parent and child, siblings, and others, it is vital to romantic relationships. However, maintaining intimacy and keeping that flame alive in marriage isn’t always an easy feat. Fortunately, with reflection, hard work, and innovation, couples can keep the candle burning.

Before you can work on the intimacy in your marriage, you must understand the four main types namely emotional, intellectual, sexual and experiential intimacy.

Again, intimacy is about forming a bond and developing an unequivocal closeness. Naturally, as you get to know someone you are romantically interested in, you both explore and fulfill emotional, intellectual, sexual and experiential intimacy. Always find ways to keep the spark.

One of the best ways to improve intimacy with your spouse is to revel in new experiences. These experiences are designed to challenge you, they will force you two to work closely together and maybe even argue or despise each other along the way, all while ultimately solidifying your bond further and improving intimacy in your marriage.

These days people don’t set aside time to have a proper conversation with their partners.

Be it about the love you have for them or, on the other hand, a problem in the relationship.

However, maintaining good avenues of communication can supplement your effort to improve intimacy and keep that flame alive.

Relationships are constant work and can fall apart if there isn’t effort put in to maintain it.

Small things go a long way while maintaining intimacy and resentment can build up quickly if there are not good avenues of communication.

Knowing and explaining to your partner on a regular basis why you are in love with them and how you feel about them is another way to keep the flame burning.

Disagreeing is also an important aspect of any relationship. Being able to calmly and respectfully tell your partner issues you’re having is essential for maintaining intimacy. Silence is the silent killer of relationships.

Make a habit out of showing your spouse that you love, care for and support them. Many assume or insist that their partners know they love them — but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t remind your partner through both words and actions on a regular basis. Find small ways to remind them that you care. This will help to improve with your partner and keep that flame burning indefinitely.

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