You can’t give what you don’t have

mothers understand what I am saying. Even today you find that mothers sacrifice a lot for their families. I recall a discussion that I had with a friend about the extent to which one should be considerate. My friend was of the view that being too considerate, as have been socialised into, results in one missing a lot of opportunities.
Anyway the issue is how does one strike a balance especially in today’s world where there is so much self-centredness.
Given this background I could not for the number of times I have been on the plane come to terms with the call to passengers to put on their oxygen mask first, in the case of emergency, before assisting someone else. It says something like this, if there is a fall in cabin pressure oxygen masks will be released automatically from above your head, pull it towards you and cover your nose and mouth and breathe normally. Then comes the famous statement quoted above. I used to condemn this quietly as selfishness. I could not imagine putting my own mask first before assisting my child.
Recently it dawned on me that this was the best order of doing things. I managed to figure out what this means. I appreciated the thinking behind this instruction; you cannot give what you do not have.
Putting on your own mask first gives you the experience and the strength to help the next person. You really cannot help someone else when you yourself are gasping for breath. It will be a lose–lose situation (inoita mufakose). There is a scripture that says comfort others with the comfort that you have received. If you are not at peace in your heart you cannot reach out to give comfort to someone else.
Several times I have heard vulnerable groups say that “something for us without us is not for us.” They want to participate because they have walked or walk that road so who is better placed to speak for them than themselves.
In life we have many imitators who try to do what others are doing but soon they burn out and they are seen no more. There is a worldview that says “When you are in Rome do as the Romans do.” Doing what the Romans do entails learning and appreciating what they do. It is through knowledge and understanding that one can adjust and adapt. If the foundation is weak one will soon lose energy and everything dies a natural death. Dear reader, I am sure you have seen people who quickly respond to their situations and really set the place ablaze but soon fall by the wayside.
There are times when people join the bandwagon be it in church, club or some organisation and match the challenge. They run with the programmes but in the end get discouraged due to lack of deep rooted conviction. This leaves many asking “where did they go.”
We should always seek to grow roots that are deep set so we survive the pressures and stresses of life.
There are people who are always watching what the next person is doing and try to do the same. They do it maybe out of competition or envy but this does not last.
Things that last come from and are done from the heart. So much has been said about love. So many sermons have been preached about giving but you find that this is still an area that many fail to respond.
Natural forces dictate otherwise yet this is possible if there is deep set love for others and God. We should do things in response to something bigger than ourselves.
Those of us who believe in God and the Bible know that God is love and He gave his Son to the world out of love for humanity. (John 3:16).
When we think of this time in the Christian calendar we see love at work that is too great to fathom.
In my view love is the basis for giving yourself, time and resources to others. It makes you close your eyes to what you lack and gives you the joy of sharing even the little that you have. So you give from the abundance of the love stored up in you.
The problem that we have in the world today is people are self-seeking. The world today says nothing for nothing. The question that is frequently asked is – what’s in it for me. People do things not from the depth of their heart but to appease and get what they want.
They try to give what they do not have. Thus when it is not forthcoming they disappear. As a result there are so many hurting and broken hearted people who have been betrayed by those they trusted.
I think, dear reader, we know of fair weather friends. They come to you when you have something to offer but are never seen when you need them the most.
We also have people who move into professions for the money and prestige but have no calling. In such instances such people are like machines and they see those around them like trees. Some of these misplaced people have no commitment to what they do. They have no passion or compassion to draw from. They really cannot give what they don’t have.
One thing that I have learnt in life is that it is so easy to complain when you do things that are not part of you. There are certain things that we do for others out of necessity like paying school fees for orphans within our families. I believe most people do it and expect to be appreciated. If that does not come then we complain and threaten to stop.  People end up saying after all it is not my responsibility; I am doing a favour.
My eyes were opened some years ago when a friend counselled me when I was complaining about what I was doing to help in the bigger family.
She told me that I was doing a good thing, but with the wrong motive of seeking appreciation. My friend taught me to do things from a deep conviction that gives peace and satisfaction with or without glory.
I urge all of us to work on the heart in order to work from the heart and touch lives around us.