Chronicle Editor
Nolwazi Mnikwa
Relationships
IT is commonly said that a friend in need is a friend indeed. This means that a person who helps at a difficult time is a person that one can rely on. True as it may be, what then does it mean if that person is not in a position to help at that difficult time?
Does it mean that the person is not a friend indeed by reason of them not being able to help out at a difficult time? Valuable relationships have been lost when one party has not been in a position to assist a “friend” when that “friend” was in need. At the same time, some relationships have been abused by “friends” who are constantly in need of help, constantly in difficult situations.
Does it mean that these friendships were not genuine? Does it mean that there are some people who feel entitled to receive assistance from whomever they ask regardless of whether the person they are asking assistance from is in a position to assist or not?
Have you ever realised that every time a new term is about to begin, there is that one person in your circle who will always be “in need” of fees assistance. It’s understandable if maybe the need for fees assistance happened once but every term? In such a scenario, is it that this individual is really in need of fees assistance or could this individual have simply developed a dependency mentality that removes the element of fees responsibility from them and delegates that responsibility to family, relatives and friends.
Normally this kind of person will have the latest fashion trends, the latest phone and they are always in attendance at the trending events and yet when it is time for them to pay fees for their child or children, they suddenly do not have the money. The person is suddenly in a “difficult” position and in need of assistance; they suddenly turn into a friend in need. These are the kind of people who when helped once, make it a tradition to seek help for the very same thing over and over again. They tend to take advantage of a helping hand. Could it be a case of misplaced priorities or a case of failing to plan ahead?
In my opinion, it’s a case of both misplaced priorities, failing to plan ahead plus mere irresponsibility. A school term occurs three times in a year and if this individual developed the discipline to plan ahead, they would on a monthly basis put aside an investment towards the termly fees and that would help avoid them finding themselves in a “difficult” situation when the term begins.
Everyone has responsibilities and when someone who is approached for help says they are not in a situation to help then that must be respected. There are situations whereby an individual requesting for assistance or help of some sort gets angry with the person they approached for assistance simply because the person they approached communicates that they are at that moment unable to help.
Some individuals have been seriously angered by this to the point of not talking to the person they asked for assistance from. Is that really humane behaviour? Is it acceptable behaviour? Or is it the kind of behaviour that expresses a heightened level of entitlement whereby the individual seeking help feels they are entitled to receive the assistance they request regardless of whether the person they are requesting assistance from is in a position to assist or not.
In my opinion, I would say, before you get angry at someone for being unable to offer you assistance in your time of need, first find out why they are unable to offer you the assistance. Note that even if you ask why they are unable to offer you assistance, they are not obliged to respond as there could be private reasons as to why they cannot offer you assistance.
So instead of getting angry for not receiving the kind of help you request, when you request it, take a moment to consider that the individual you are requesting assistance from has their reasons for not availing the help at that time.
There are some who have been angered by the fact that their relative or family friend in a senior position at a company has not helped them to get employment within that company. Just because your relative or family friend occupies a senior position in an organisation does not automatically mean they are required to hire you. Every organisation has policies that must be adhered to so it is lack of wisdom for one to get angry at a friend or relative for not offering them employment.
In the event that this relative or family friend could extend an offer of employment to you and yet they choose not to, I would encourage you to check your work ethic. Instead of getting angry, the first thing to do would be to check if your qualifications match the role you would like to be considered for. Secondly, an attitude check would be something I would recommend you to do. What I mean by an attitude check is that you take the time to introspect and assess if the attitude you have is one that would fit into the organisational culture of the company you are looking at joining.
It is not everyone who feels entitled to being helped or abuses the help they receive from people. There are people who are genuinely in need of help.
When someone is in need of assistance and you are in a position to assist, do not hold back, do not tell them to come at another time when at that moment, you have the means to help. Helping someone is not only an act of kindness but it is an act that will help someone rise up, reach greater heights, or even take a step towards the achievement of their goals.
Helping someone is not just about the person being helped, it is also about the person helping who is contributing to an improved and better society in general. There is a common proverb that says, “We rise by lifting each other up”, so in essence when you extend a helping hand to an individual in need, you are indirectly extending a helping hand to yourself.
I would love to hear your thoughts, comments and feedback as well as relationship topics you would like to have covered. You may send these to [email protected] or to +263775978857. Keep safe and be blessed.
Online Reporter