Online Reporter
Moreblessing Ncube – [email protected]
FORGET love languages. Forty-six-year-old Benard Dube’s idea of romance is a plate of steaming isitshwala, and woe betide anyone who keeps him waiting.
A court heard how Dube lost his marbles and turned a simple supper squabble into a WWE smackdown after his girlfriend, Ms Otilia Chirimambowa, 39, failed to cook his beloved Isitshwala for him. The Cameroon Primary School teacher admitted she had spent the evening drinking beer and skipped the isitshwala routine.
Enter hungry Benard…
Prosecutor Joseph Rugara told Tredgold Magistrate Maxwell Ncube that Dube stormed the homestead at 8 PM, armed with a shovel big enough to plant a forest. He allegedly used the garden tool to dish out a beating, yanking Otilia’s hair like a bad salon day and serving shovel slaps with extra gravy.
“I was tipsy, so the details are blurry,” Otilia confessed. “But I definitely remember the shovel doing most of the talking.”
A medical report confirmed the injuries – bruises, swelling and a brand new fear of gardening equipment. Dube pleaded guilty to assault and will cool his heels in remand till 30 June while the magistrate decides whether he needs anger management or time in custody to reflect on his actions.
The court heard how the romance has lasted two and a half years, surviving family drama, gossip and load shedding, only to wobble over one missing mountain of maize meal.
Moral of the story? If you can’t stand the heat, cook the isitshwala. Or at least hide the shovel.
