A perfect society in an imperfect world

responses that inspired today’s article. In last week’s article “There is more to a person that meets the eye”.
I made a serious mistake of attributing the song with the lyrics “Ko kuchena kwehumhandara makaisipiko mhai . . . ” to Elijah Madzikatire instead of Marshall Munhumumwe and the Four Brothers.
I confused the song with “Emmakurata” from Elijah Madzikatire or allow me dear reader to say it was the slip of the pen. Anyway I sincerely apologise for the error. Some readers complimented me for a good article and then noted the mistake.
One reader from Mutare urged me to do research before I publish. Others just dropped a sentence or phrase to say its Marshal Munhumumwe and not Madzikatire. A response from a relative crowned them all. He said, “Ambuya makakurira kumusha bvunzai isu taienda kumaclub.”
As I went through the responses from the readers an idea crossed my mind of a perfect society in an imperfect world.
I thought of how the society struggles with imperfection. I found myself asking whether there is any room in society to make mistakes and still live a full life. I know I am one person who was really particular.
As a result I was very hard on myself and also had high expectations on others. Things had to be up to scratch that is neat and orderly.
If it’s eating, there should be no gobbling, no chewing loudly or making long noisy sips.
If it is parking a vehicle it has to be well tacked into the bay. Things had to be proper. I recall when my children were still in their infancy, I would spend the day tidying the house after them.
My worry was if people walk in they would think I am a disorganised and an untidy woman.
As a result I used to suffer from burn out until I read a magazine that set me free.
It advised mothers of young children to let go and give themselves time to rest and tidy up after the children have gone to sleep.
The writer of that article urged mothers not to stress themselves as people would understand that she has young children. I have noted that with life’s experiences I have learnt to let go of certain things and not to be too hard on myself and others.
Traditionally our society had self-policing mechanisms. Society was there watching over you or out for you.
This has in a way influenced the way we respond to occurrences around us. Many times we find ourselves doing things not because we want to but to satisfy society.
We worry about what people are going to say. Sure enough if we err we get the wrath of society. We are stigmatised and isolated. People would rather share glory than suffer shame as they stand by you. Yet, I believe, bad times are the times when one needs support from friends and relatives. Have you ever noticed that the same crowd that ululates when things go well for you are the same people that throw stones when you fall from grace.
Unfortunately our society is busy struggling with perfection in an imperfect world instead of helping those who are searching for someone to love them unconditionally.
The love that is transformative in nature because it makes one evaluate his/her own life for the better. An example is the story of Zacchaeus, the tax collector, in the Bible who turned over a new leaf through the love and attention that he got from Jesus Christ.
People would rather present to the world a clean image. Isn’t we are told “Izvozvo hazvitaurwi, ibva wati zii” (those things are not said, don’t say them) when we want to say the not so glorious things.
The consequence of this is we get people who are not even true to themselves.
Like the biblical Nicodemus who went to Jesus by night they do the unthinkable away from the eyes of the world. I have heard many preachers saying that there are some Christians who are at their best in the presence of their Pastors or fellow Christians.
Similarly they are employees who are at their best when the boss is around.
They are driven by the desire to belong and be esteemed by others. Yet if our society was not so judgmental more people would be more open and therefore get help in areas that they struggle with. Many years ago when I was at college I met up with an old friend I had gone to school with from Form one to four. I also became friends with a young man who happened to have gone to high school with my old friend. Apparently this young man alleged that he knew something that was not so palatable about this young woman. His solution was that I disassociate myself from her because the world was going to paint me with the same brush.
In a way he was right isn’t the world says birds of the same further flock together. Unfortunately, I disappointed him because whatever was in her past, if at all, did not affect our friendship.
I had known her well before the purported mishap. Furthermore, with the carefree attitude of youth, I did not care what people would say because it was not going to change who I was.
So many times we want to put people in a straight jacket for ourselves and not for their good. My gentleman friend probably did it out of genuine concern for my reputation or maybe he was protecting his own since he was associated with me.
I have learnt that so many times we want others to be proper because we do not want their actions to embarrass us. I think the objective is right but the motive is wrong. In instances where a daughter gets pregnant or husband is out in the paper for the wrong reasons, you hear people say “Vanhu vanotii?” (What will people say).
The number one worry of such affected people is the attitudes and views of others. People who suffer shame might end up excommunicating themselves. They would rather be away from the public eye. Why, you may ask. It is because society is unkind.
People sleep, talk and eat the misfortune. Have you ever wondered what makes us rejoice on other people’s misfortunes? Think of the many people that you have, as an individual or an entity, driven away by your Mr or Ms Perfect attitude. Some of these people have been moved further away into abyss and need a lot of emotional healing to be restored to our families, churches or communities. Have you ever been at the wrong side of things and felt that people even close ones persecute you or reject you? That is society for you it wants all things to appear perfect in an imperfect world. [email protected]