Online ReporterFadzayi Maposah
Correspondent
Mudiwa (My love)
I have no idea where exactly to begin.
Today the one who taught me to write a letter may be fully disappointed because I will not adhere to the dictates that she laid out to me.
I will allow myself to be the free spirit that I have never realised that I was until the day I took a bold decision to do what was right for our relationship.
Many times, I have heard people say they took a bold decision to do what was right for their relationship, and then walked away. I choose to do the opposite. I chose to walk toward you. I chose for us to be closer than we have ever been.
Should I start with telling you what is on the ground now or how it all started?
Mudiwa, you have seen me walk the journey. Physically yes. I must hasten to say now that you have not seen the full picture. You have seen me walk from point A to point B and then to point C, but what the emotions were weaving was not open, it was hidden. My intention was never to hide the emotions. At times I tried to explain, but you would smile and reassure me.
The smile was just enough to halt me in my expression. The journey that I have travelled in the past few months has been very eventful, with the majority of the events being internal.
I remember going with you for your routine contraceptive services many months ago. I had to ask for you after I realised that you had taken with you the wrong bank card. You had the bank card that I wanted to use while you were being served. Initially the lady at the reception had looked at me with the look that said; “Why did you not come together in the first place?”
I did not answer that look as it was not verbalised, I chose to show her my identity card just to prove that I really was your husband. I remember her walking down a passage with me walking right behind her afraid that I would get lost and walk into the wrong room and scream after seeing the wrong woman half dressed!
I am still healing from my experiences in the maternity ward. Wow, the things that women go through when they are in labour! That is a story for another day.
The lady from the reception knocked on one of the doors and I waited with her for the response. She came in and opened the door slightly and said she was with the client’s partner who needed to collect something.
The service provider said I could come in. I remember the look of worry that you had on your face, but you patted the chair by your side and in no time, I was seated next to you.
As I sat down, the door was closed gently behind me. I remember the service provider’s warm welcoming smile and how she made me comfortable.
As my very able partner, you managed to let me in on the discussion that you had before I joined you. It was at that moment that I realised that I had not fully supported you in the reproductive health and contraception discussions, yet I am a very interested party. Your acquiring information about contraceptives was for my immense benefit, yet I just used to take you to the health facility and put up my feet in the car as I waited. Please forgive me for all the time that you shouldered that responsibility alone.
I remember asking the service provider if I could do more than just support and she mentioned male condoms as a method that I could use. I remember too, the smile that you had on your face as I asked if there was a permanent method since I was happy as a father of four very beautiful girls.
I remember how you asked me not to rush things when I said that I wanted to know more about vasectomy. I guess you doubted that I could actually go through it. The doctor then said while we were thinking (me thinking more, I guess) you could still continue on the pills that you had always used, rather than move to a long acting reversible contraceptive.
Armed with educational pamphlets, we went home and I truly believe that you were hesitant. I studied that material as if I was preparing for an exam. When I tried to bring it up in discussion with male relatives, there was negative feedback, with some saying that I would lose my sexual prowess. I referred to the educational material that I had received and sought medical advice given by my relatives and associates who know very little about health, and even the body anatomy, yet they speak like experts. I was even chided for becoming too feminine, doing what women do. In it all I learnt that over consultation is dangerous, especially with little information. There were others who said that I was doing this while too emotional, what if I wanted to try for a boy to carry on the family name? I am thankful that I was assisted by the doctors who were always ready to answer my questions without judging me.
After the vasectomy was done, as I healed I am thankful for you and all the support you gave me as you nursed me. My mind is at rest, Mudiwa. I know that I have done the right thing and that this month of November, Menvember, it is my present to you as one who appreciates all the sacrifices you have done all these years to carry the contraceptive responsibility. Allow me to carry that responsibility now.
Love always
Wako
*Letter developed from discussions with a man who has undergone vasectomy*
Day 333 out of 365 of 2025#Men’s Health
dyton mupawaenda