adminHELLO there everyone, I hope you had a great week. I am having a breath of fresh air. I have been receiving many messages from couples who want to know more about marriage counselling! This is surprising especially if you go to church. This is one of the primary things you are taught before you get married, but of course if you do not go to church then it is a different story altogether.
The whole point of pre-marital counselling or marriage counselling is this . . . Pre-marital counselling helps you discuss all those equations that make up a marriage in a non-threatening and open environment. They also bring up issues that you may find in the marriage that are simple dealt with before the marriage, but could become potential marriage breakers if the couple do not know how to deal with it.
Marriage counselling is needed after the couple are married and have come into problems that alone they have failed or cannot deal with. The whole point of marriage counselling is to prevent the breakdown of the marriage unless there is abuse of sorts and even then the abusive party might simply need psychological counselling or counselling before the marriage can be worked on.
So that is the difference between the two. Usually the marital counselling comes when the couple failed to attend pre-marital counselling, or they ignored the advice of the pre-marital counsellors.
Areas that usually come up are sex, children, in-laws, finances, ex-girlfriends or boyfriends, family rituals, traditions and cultures, dress (believe it or not), communication, religion, friends, schooling, etc. You will be surprised at how simple unimportant things when you are dating turn into nightmares when you are married. I have written about this before, but obviously some people have missed it, or I did not give enough detail, so let me try again . . . This week we shall deal with the subject of SEX.
When two people are going out this is not a priority (it should not be when you are not married). So the compatibility of a couple with each other is relatively unknown. Even if you are having sex before marriage, research has proven that no one is really true to themselves when they are dating. Everyone wants to please the other. Once you get married, the truth comes out and usually in strange ways. If one of the partners was used to sleeping with women who are notorious for doing gymnastics in bed, crossing all sorts of illegal boundaries for the human body; he or she will expect the same thing when they are married (it’s now their legal right). But they might have married a partner who likes things simple and straightforward, no stress (if you know what I mean). Once the ring is on the finger there is no getting out of this situation and unless the couple come to some form of compromise, this is a potential marriage breaker, which may end in one or both partners seeking satisfaction outside the marriage.
Not to say people with different sexual tastes cannot live harmoniously together forever, but it comes with a lot of understanding and compromise. Also sex is more than just to bodies coming together, much of it comes from thoughts and ideas. So many young men especially tend to experiment quite a bit before they are married, gaining their experience from videos, internet, magazines and inevitably women open to unattached relationships. Many women are told that the purer they are the more marriageable they will be hence they tend to sleep with as little men if any as possible. Imagine a man used to having crazy experimental sex coming together with a girl who is used to being handled with care all her life.
There is a great bridge to cross there and lots of understanding needed there.
The man has to realise that his fantasy based on Hollywood magazines is not realistic in any marriage unless both partners have a thirst for that sort of thing. He will need to have to train his brain to think differently, so as to treat his woman in a way that is becoming. On the other hand the woman also needs to know that there is more to sex than the missionary position, and that is her husband wants to try out a new move or two, as long as it does not compromise her moral beliefs or hurt her, she should try it out once in a while (maybe when it is a new moon lol).
Anastasia can be messaged on 0772 933 845.
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