Anger is destructive, manage it

Dr Mazvita Machinga Mental Health
Need help with anger management? Then take your time to find out whether your anger management is within “normal range,” which parts are out of balance and, most importantly, how to proceed in a healthy manner. Families have broken down, communities torn apart, individuals hurt and wounded, all because of destructive anger. Reading the news every day, we come across stories of people who have committed serious offenses just because they could not manage their anger well.

In Marange community, a villager brutally murdered his brother in cold blood following a misunderstanding over meat. Yes, over meat! This is just one example of someone who could not control his anger well to such an extend of causing a tragedy. I am sure you know of cases where people have caused suffering for others and themselves just by not handling their anger well.

This article is my response to questions that I have received when it comes to dealing with anger. Recently, someone asked me about what they can do to help their relative control their anger. This person reported how their relative is such a good person, except that his only flaw was his anger problem. This person narrated how this relative destroys property, shouts vulgar language, bangs doors and throws food away when angry. Not good at all.

Anger affects everyone from birth till old age; men or women; rich or poor, no-one is excluded. Research shows that anger is a normal response to betrayal, injustice, terror and feeling out of control. Anger is a perfectly normal human emotion and, when dealt with appropriately, can even be considered a healthy emotion.

We all feel angry from time to time, yet this feeling can lead us to say or do things that we later regret. Anger can reduce our inhibitions and make us act inappropriately. We know that anger is made up of increased physical arousal, emotions and accompanying behaviours that comes up when a person feels a threat or a loss or a perceived threat or loss.

You can end up being sick physically, if you are not careful with managing your anger well. Aristotle once said: “Anybody can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.”

In Ephesians 4:26, we are told to be angry, but we should not let the sun go down on our anger. Yes, there are some things in this world that make people angry. Injustice, corruption, the abuse of children, betrayal and violence against the defenceless etc. How should one respond to this?

As you read this article, you are reminded of moments you were once angered and what your reaction was. You may be someone who finds it hard to control and express your anger, or you know someone who has that problem.

You may have grown up in a household or community where people were unkind to one another with their anger or where the adults did not handle their anger well.
Remember that anger patterns maybe learned from our others such as parents, siblings or significant others. Experience has shown that often times most parents and those who surround us e.g. teachers, caregivers and so forth do not know how to manage anger well. As we grow up we learn what our parents modelled in their actions towards each other people.

Often times when we grow up we tend to play out our parents’ or teachers’ patterns of exploding anger and we become aggressive and violent. Remember aggression is a learned behaviour and it can be unlearned. Hostility and violence can be passed down through generations, thus, the vicious cycle needs to be broken. Nevertheless, with psychological or spiritual help and mindfulness, you can change and start to manage anger well. You need to have healthy approaches of dealing with and expressing anger. There are numerous anger management techniques that you can learn or teach to others.

Remember, there is professional help available. If you, or someone you know, experiences very strong anger (rage) then seeking help can be more effective. You should seek professional help before you hurt someone or yourself. Seeking help is also important because anger can have long-term negative impact on your relationships, your health or results in harmful or violent behaviour. Remember to get your copy of Manica Post next week and learn practical ways of managing anger.

Dr Mazvita Machinga Ph.D. is a trained and qualified Psychotherapist in Mutare who offers psychotherapy and professional counseling. For professional help on anger management and other mental health issues contact [email protected] or call 0771 754 519.