Moffat Mungazi
Dear Tete Joyie:
My girlfriend and I have been together for about 10 years now.
However, over the past year she has been constantly ringing me at work and turning up wherever I happen to be working.
If I tell her that I don’t know when I will finish for the day, she will phone my boss and pester him.
I have told her this has to stop, it is draining and I find it embarrassing, too.
I can’t even visit my family on my own any more without her calling me every half hour.
Am I being wrong or do I have every right to be annoyed?
Tete Joyie Says:
I think you have every right to be annoyed.
It sounds like your girlfriend is incredibly insecure, so ask yourself what is happened in the past year to make her change and behave like this.
After 10 years in a relationship, you don’t suddenly become that paranoid for no reason.
If you have done anything to cause that insecurity like lied to her or cheated, then she clearly needs more reassurance because she doesn’t trust you.
But if you genuinely don’t know what the problem is, then you need to find out.
Don’t pander to her insecurities.
Explain very clearly that what she’s doing is going to push you away and make you resent her.
And it is, not only affecting how you feel, but it is having an impact on your job, too.
It simply can’t carry on.
Maybe you have to say to her that if she mistrusts you this much, then what is the point of the relationship?
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Lost affection for hubby
Dear Tete Joyie:
I don’t think I was ever really in love with my husband.
We have been together for 19 years, married for 17 and have three teenage kids.
However, over the years, I came to realise that I ‘settled’ way back when I thought I was never going to meet anyone else and just jumped in feet first with him.
He is a lovely man and works so hard for our family, but I no longer want to be married to him.
Now the kids are older and will all be leaving home for university in the near future, I don’t think I can stand him any longer.
I stay for security, as well as not wanting to disappoint anyone, but it is killing me inside.
Tete Joyie Says:
Security and fears over disappointing people are not the right reasons to stay in such an unhappy situation.
It is sad for you and, in the long run, it is not fair on him either.
As upsetting as it is, and I am sure he will be heartbroken you have to walk away if this is how you’re truly feeling.
You only get one life and I don’t think you should feel guilty about wanting to be happier for the rest of it.
It sounds like you have never had that spark and that is what you are regretting.
Maybe, it is a case of telling him that you want to separate for a while — it is hard to know what you really want when you are with someone every day.
It could be a gentler transition and give you both a chance to see how things would be if you were apart.
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Online Reporter