Online Reporter
Tristan Holme
SOME time towards the end of 2021, a part of Brendan Taylor died.
The loss was agonising for an overly proud 35-year-old – so painful, in fact, that he had allowed it to drag him into a spiral of addiction that drew the walls of his life in ever tighter, suffocating any sense that he could live without it.
This inner delusion was in itself creating a tangled web of dilemmas in his external world.
“So, although alcohol and cocaine were my problem, it got so bad that it actually became my solution to life.
“It was a very delusional way of thinking because without that I was absolutely convinced I could not go forward in the day.
“So that’s the only way I could mask it really, until it obviously became unsustainable.”
Taylor’s final stand to defend the fateful part came in September 2021 when, out of the blue, he announced his retirement.
At that stage an ICC ban was inevitable, and he had failed a drugs test after losing control of his cocaine habit.
The ICC’s corruption unit loomed over him, brandishing questions about why he had failed to disclose his exchange with a group of mischievous Indian ‘businessmen’.
That took place in 2019 when he travelled to India to discuss a potential T20 tournament, as well as personal sponsorship.
Taylor was gifted US$15,000 at the time, but the trouble really grew when he accepted an offer of cocaine during an evening in their company.
It was a set-up.
The next morning they barged into his hotel room with footage they had taken of him consuming the drug, and threatened to make it public unless he fixed future matches for them.
Given that Taylor had kept his habit so secretive —not even his close family knew about it – he found himself in their pocket.
While he never went on to fix any element of a match, the encounter was the straw that broke the camel’s back, sending him into a spiral.
Taylor claims that ego was “absolutely shattered” during his three-month rehabilitation programme in the Eastern Highlands of Zimbabwe, which began after he finally admitted his problem to his family.
He says he had kept it from them for years, believing that he could never ask for help, until “surrender” ultimately saved his life.
“You’re at the edge of the cliff and you don’t know where to go anymore,” is how he describes it.
“You’re absolutely convinced no one can help you. You know, I come from a loving and very proud family. I was too ashamed to tell them what was going on.”
Eighteen months after completing his rehab, and with two years left to run on the ICC ban, he went to see Zimbabwe Cricket’s managing director Givemore Makoni, to talk about his coaching prospects once he had served his time.
Taylor says Makoni stopped him in his tracks.
“He said to me, ‘No, BT, you can coach until you’re 60. We have the 2027 World Cup coming up and we’re hosting it.
“You know, we need some experienced guys in and around the group, and it’s imperative that you come back and play.’
“I realised I had played the last few years of my career as a fractured and broken human being.
“Now I’ve got this mental clarity, got rid of the fog. It planted a seed and I really started to buy into the training, my dieting, getting fitter.
“I’m lighter now than I was as an 18-year-old now. It’s bizarre. I was always 10, 12, 15 kilos overweight my whole career.
“So I just feel like I’m moving better. I can bat for longer. I can train longer. The skills have come back fairly quickly and I’m just always trying to enhance them every day.
“Both the chairman of Zimbabwe Cricket and the MD backed me wholeheartedly, and that shifted my mindset, and then I went all in with it.
“My days now are more focused around service —making up for time that I’d stolen from my children, my wife, and my employer Zimbabwe Cricket.”
A healthier, fitter Taylor is now back in a much healthier Zimbabwe setup.
Now 39, Taylor can’t tell how long he will play for.
Next up are the T20 World Cup qualifiers, which Zimbabwe are hosting.
“I don’t even know what’s happening tomorrow,” says Taylor, “but what I will do today or tonight is give thanks for what I have, and try and wake up tomorrow again with an overwhelming amount of gratitude.” —Cricbuzz
Mathew Masinge