Be your sister’s keeper

Bongiwe Nkomazana

This article was hugely prompted by the R Kelly saga. If you are not aware of it, let me break it down real quick for you.

The legendary Rhythm and Blues singer Robert Kelly, who gave us hits like ‘I believe I can fly’, ‘Ignition’ and ‘Gotham City’ just to name a few is an alleged paedophile, cult master and all round womaniser.

Numerous girls and women have come forth with gruesome details of what they went through under the hand of Robert Kelly.

Some claim to have been as young as 14 and 16 when the star lured them into sexual acts.

Not only were these acts straight of the bat illegal but the females describe them as unnatural and humiliating.

Others say that the singer physically abused them when they disobeyed him and he was emotionally abusive just to maintain control over them.

His ex-wife came forward detailing an incident where her husband tied her hands and feet together like an animal and left her like that whilst he slept peacefully.

So as much as R Kelly gave us timeless love songs like ‘Step in the name of Love’, all he was stepping on was these young girls’ childhoods and just their right to a functional life.

Of course, everyone is innocent until proven guilty but human nature makes us decide in our heads what we believe to be true.

For years, speculations of him up to no good have been going around like how he married Aaliyah when she was just 15 years old.

However, for some reason he has never been found guilty or thoroughly investigated until recently.

As I followed the saga I realised that all the girls and women who are victims of R Kelly have a similar story and depending on the time they came into contact with the star, they kind of all knew of each other.

Besides each other, I am sure there were females around R Kelly, be it his relatives, his employees and friends who knew or were even suspicious of what these girls were going through.

Then there was us, women all over the world who were nowhere near him but had heard of all these dubious things happening to fellow women. What did we do about this situation? How did we as women allow young girls to be abused like that for so long?

It is sad because as much as I also question what the men around R Kelly and this activity were thinking and what they did to try and stop it, I almost am not fazed by them doing nothing.

There are good men in the world but those ones were probably in cahoots with the singer and were protecting their interests.

Women on the other hand, I do not care how heartless you may think you are, such a situation will break your heart.

We all have a lot going on in our lives I know but as a woman, have you ever stopped to think of the change you could bring to another woman’s life?

We watch each other go through the most everyday but have we ever stopped to think how we can make each other’s burdens lighter?

It may sound cliché but if women supported and loved each other as much as we criticise each other we would be in powerful positions, we would be on the Forbes’ list for all the right reasons and we would just be a happier species.

That being said let us go back to the R Kelly situation.

The only reason why R Kelly is being investigated thoroughly now is because women have chosen to stand up for themselves as a collective against him.

It is because most of his victims that have made it out are making a noise, demanding to be heard so that their perpetrator is brought to justice.

Where did they get the guts to not only expose such a powerful man that is loved by many but to also expose what I am thinking is one of the darkest times of their lives? My guess is that the strength comes from each other.

To see one woman get up and do the unthinkable will definitely give the next woman the strength to do the same. Similarly, as women, we can now dream of being anything because we have seen women before us become everything.

To bring it home, so many sagas are happening right under our noses.

Wives are being beaten by their husbands and we hear their screams every night, daughters are being raped by family members and we choose to turn a deaf ear, old ladies are being robbed by unruly members of society but we choose to turn a blind eye.

Men in general are clueless but as women we masquerade as if we are minding our own business yet we will be knowing everything about each other already so why not come to each other’s rescue?

Each to his own is the trending order of business but imagine if all this were to happen to you.

Would you not yearn for assistance especially from a fellow woman?

Would it not be painful to watch a fellow woman ignore you?

I truly believe that a strategy that has ensured our downfall as women is the ‘divide and conquer’.

Mankind, no pun intended, has gained and maintained power by breaking up the larger concentration of girl power into pieces.

I would not be surprised to find out that R Kelly put the girls up against each other in some form just so they could, in a weird way, compete to be the best captive.

Moving on, whenever you are told that you are not like other women because you are intelligent or sound, do not take it as a compliment.

If they have to insult a group that you belong to, to validate you are they really for you? Think about it.

Benazir Siddiqui summarises what I am trying to say in 3 simple points.

Firstly, get to know a woman older than you, who can share her life experiences with you.

Secondly get to know a woman who is of your age, so the two of you can share your similar struggle experiences.

Lastly, get to know a woman younger than you, whom you can mentor and inspire.

This way, we are bound to help each other by sharing our stories and building true and meaningful connections.

Who knows, you might just be your sister’s keeper.