adminHello there readers, hope this week we find you all in a good place.
This week we divert a little bit to answer a message that caught my attention.
“Hi Anastasia, thanks for all your advice on relationships, they have assisted me so much in the last couple of months. I have a question — can I still be friends with my ex when I am in a new relationship?”
Oh, boy what a question! I do not even know how to start except that it is sad that you have to ask this question. But let me be as honest as I can without being too hard.
Firstly I must ask you why? Why would you want to still be in contact with your ex? Is the relationship not over? And what about your new partner how will they feel about you talking to your ex?
And what would the two of you be discussing that you cannot discuss with new partner? And please do not say it’s because you are still friends. Please my dear once a friendship moves into a relationship it means sex is involved, if the relationship ends and you decide the friendship must be restored, it will not be the same level — sex changes everything. And there is a chance it will happen again whilst you are in your new relationship — just ask all those who have done this before.
Serious my dear why? Is the most reasonable question I can ask you. It’s over, done finish caput , zvapera…why are you holding on and to what?
Another question is how are you going to communicate with this ex without thinking of the things you two have been through – good and bad. Without thinking of the times you spent together intimately?
And if you do not let go of the ex, there is very little space in your heart for the current. When you are with your current and your ex phones — are you going to stop what you are doing to take the call, or interrupt your conversation to entertain you ex?
My dear you are not ready to get into a new relationship if you are still holding on to your ex trust me. Its unfair on your current partner and it is unfair on yourself (all the stress it will cause you in time is not worth it). Think about all the unnecessary fights you and your current partner will have over you ex in time. Think about the suspicions this will cause you both.
And what if your current partner also has an ex he or she wants to keep in contact with – how will you feel?
My dear please — empty yourself of your ex please, learn to breathe, take your time. Then when you are ready, let the new person in and fill yourself with new memories with the new person, new smells, new smiles and laughs, new places to go, new clothes etc, new games, new everything, your new person deserves all of you fresh.
It’s not fair to go into a relationship expecting your new partner to give you everything, when your ex still has a portion of you and your emotion. How would you like it if your current beau keeps getting messages from his or her ex? Ha not cool right? So why should you be allowed to do it?
Hope that answers you. That’s it from me until next week. God bless!
Anastasia can be messaged on 0772 933 845.
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