Boss’ daughter is naughty

Dr Rebecca Chisamba
Mudzimba

Is marriage a dying institution?

Dear amai, thank you for the great work you are doing through your (The) Sunday Mail column. I am a 26-year-old guy and deeply in love with a 24-year-old lady. I am considering marrying my sweetheart in due course.

We are both degreed and gainfully employed in our different fields. I know you always call a spade a spade, but I have a few questions for you. Please answer me honestly. I do not know what to do, I am so confused. I read a lot and follow world and local news as much as I can.

I notice most marriages are in shambles because of cheating and mistrust. Why do people ever commit? Are there happy marriages that are full of love and respect? Why do married people cheat? Is it worth the while to join the bandwagon or leave it as it is? I am scared and I want to open up to my lover.

Response

Dear writer, thank you for following the column, and thank you for writing in. The truth is that statistically, half of marriages end in divorce. The numbers are caused by infidelity and mistrust as you so rightly put it.

However, you cannot put your happiness on pause because of that. There is always an inherent danger when you do something in life. For instance, every time you go to work you can get into a fatal accident. You mitigate the risk by driving cautiously. In marriage, you need to lead by example.

The love, trust and respect you yearn for must also be shown to your partner. If they truly love you, they will meet you halfway. Tell your girl about these fears and go for premarital counselling and grow from strength to strength. The statistics are there and the fear is also real. You need to overcome them by trying your best not to end up as a statistic. I am sure this girl wants the two of you to get married and raise a family together. That is the end product of good courtship. Effort and dialogue will triumph over all these jitters.

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I am being deprived of food

I am in Harare for a business trip, so I decided to kill two birds with one stone by staying at my aunt’s place to see her while I work. She is a very good woman. She was excited when I told her I would not be staying at the hotel.

I offered to buy some groceries and she gave me a list and I bought food that would give us a balanced diet. I am into my final week and she has not used anything from my grocery list. It seems she is reserving the items for future use.

We have to do with very little and I do not understand why? Amai, do you think it is a good idea if I ask her why? I am not used to this kind of life, which is why I volunteered to buy the food. Is she just being mean? I am very upset and regret why I ever came to her place.

Response

You did the right thing to stay with family and buying provisions for everyone. It is regrettable though that the groceries are not being used.

 You should tell your aunt that when you buy food, you expect to enjoy it with her and everyone else while you are around. As you rightly stated, she is a good woman. I am sure she will not be offended. In future, if you feel like you will not be well- fed at a relative’s place, you can always stay at a hotel and visit often and the problem will be solved.

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Boss’ daughter is naughty

Hello amai, I hope I find you well. I am a gardener aged 23. I love my job. I get on so well with my boss’s daughter. We are very good friends.

She gives me whatever I want from the main house without the knowledge of her parents. She is doing Form Three, but I do not think she will pass because she smokes and drinks in my quarters. Her boyfriend pretends to be my friend and he comes to see me when the parents go out so that he can spend some quality time together in my cottage.

Now, this guy is now accusing me of cheating with his girlfriend, yet I am innocent. It was only once when she got drunk and slept in my room.

I called her parents and told them that she was sleeping at a friend’s place. I took good care of her just like my sister. I do not know why she spilled the beans to her boyfriend, which has since created problems.

I am so scared because once this is out, I will lose my job. Is it my fault that this girl is naughty? Please help. How best can I come out of this clean?

Response

I am very well and thanks for asking. I am very disappointed in you. I do not have any sympathy for you or the innocent image you want to portray.

This child is most likely not a major and you have indulged her. You are an accomplice. You have let them have quality time, smoke and drink in your quarters.

She may not pass because of you. She needs intervention and reformatory behaviour right now. You should not have accepted goods stolen from the main house as a bribe. If you confess, you will most likely be sent packing and if the wind of this gets out, her parents may choose to have you arrested.

Inform her parents of how bad their daughter is behaving and they may take pity on you. Be prepared to look for a new job. In future, stop being used as a scapegoat. It may have far more disastrous effects.

 

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