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Dear Tete Joyie:
According to my boyfriend, showing affection can destroy a relationship, and he refuses to kiss or cuddle me.
We have been together for two years. He is 26, I am 24 and love him to bits.
I have tried to explain how I feel when he is so distant physically, but he says it would drive us apart.
He said his parents were all kisses and cuddles, but still cheated on each other, which he hated to see. I feel lonely and rejected, like I can never get close to him.
How can I get him to change? I love him, but need him to show me that I am loved.
Tete Joyie says:
This is all about trust and he must realise being so distant could drive you apart.
Ask for a cuddle when you get home from work.
Let him see it is a positive thing, so that he gradually learns to feel safe.
Promise him you will not cheat and you will always discuss problems together face to face.
How to end a relationship without breaking her heart.
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Not happy in relationship
Dear Tete Joyie:
How do I end my relationship without breaking my girlfriend’s heart?
I am 29 and this is my first serious relationship.
My girlfriend is 27 and divorced.
We have been together for just over a year.
I am very unhappy right now.
I like her a lot, but am not in love with her.
We are booked to go away together over the Heroes and Defence Forces holiday and I am dreading it because I know this is not the right relationship for me.
I don’t like to cause anyone pain and I don’t know how to handle this. It is on my mind all the time and it is driving me mad.
Tete Joyie says:
The sooner you end it, the better.
Don’t dodge the issue any longer and don’t go away as you had planned.
It would be a nightmare for you and a waste of her time.
Tell her now and change the booking. One of you could have a good time.
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Left hubby for someone who doesn’t seem interested
Dear Tete Joyie:
A week after meeting someone new, I left my husband.
He wants us to try again, but I love the other guy.
We are both 28 and got married two years ago.
We had sex every other month, but argued all the time, even on our wedding night. He can be aggressive.
I went to a party with a mate and made an instant connection with another man.
He is 30.
We started texting.
The messages got very flirty and then he said we should stop because I was married.
But I couldn’t help thinking about him, so I packed my bag and told my husband I didn’t love him anymore.
I left him six weeks ago.
My husband says he still wants us to try again and part of me thinks I should give it a go, like my family say.
But the other guy is the one I love, though we haven’t met since.
Tete Joyie says:
This other guy shows no sign of wanting anything serious with you. A relationship with him is just a fantasy.
Focus on sorting out your marriage one way or the other.
You can organise couple’s counselling and your husband has to understand that he needs to stop being aggressive.
Did my late husband lie?
Dear Tete Joyie:
A year ago, my husband died.
He was 50, as I am now.
I had not felt up to clearing his things out before now, but I have come across a letter someone sent us five years ago.
It said my husband should tell me about his fling with his team leader at work.
I was very upset, but my husband said it was just an ex causing trouble.
He had been staying late because their accounts were being audited.
I believed him.
Now, that letter has started me thinking again.
I have asked a trusted mutual friend who worked with him whether he cheated on me and she said no, that he adored me.
But my trust has gone and there is a deep rage inside me that keeps me awake every night.
I feel like I hate him and all those good memories were nothing but lies.
Tete Joyie says:
I am sure they were not lies.
You are still grieving the loss of the man you love and that letter has offered a way out of feeling that pain.
If he was a cheat, you are thinking, you need not mourn.
Deep down, you know he was faithful.
So throw out that letter and let yourself grieve.
If you are looking for advice on the tricky situation that you find yourself in, WhatsApp 0716 069 196 and Tete Joyie will assist you in solving the problem. Remember, all those who write to us remain anonymous.
Online Reporter