adminGibson Mhaka
THE disturbing report of a teacher at Longwe Primary School in Bubi District in Matabeleland North Province who allegedly sodomised 10 pupils tests the notion that boys are not as sexually abused as girls. What makes the already bad Longwe case worse is that authorities who are expected to uphold moral values and protect children from abuse were also charmed by a teacher whose lust for sex drove him into sexually abusing pupils entrusted to him.
Recent reports on child sexual abuse reveal that the number of male victims is perhaps equal to that of females but in most cases boys suffer in silence due to societal prejudices and gender orientation which shape them into a feeling that boys should protect themselves, even when they are being manipulated or tricked.
Society’s expectations are that boys should be “tough” and solve their problems on their own. Undoubtedly, news of the alleged cover-up and victimisation of boys at Longwe Primary School has understandably caused confusion, surprise, and concern for parents and all those who care about children.
Although the suspect, Nkosiyazi Sibanda (20), who was a temporary teacher, was arrested and brought before the court, victims’ parents said their children were now traumatised following the heinous acts inflicted on them.
“I am failing to come to terms with what my son went through and I wondered if he will ever be a normal child again. He is now being stigmatised as other pupils are now calling him all sorts of names and that has really affected him psychologically. He has actually become a laughing stock of the whole community ever since he revealed that he was one of the victims and I am failing to find a way of helping him out of this,” said an emotional Mr Sipho Mali.
The above chilling report and many others that have been reported are clear testimony that boys like some of their female counterparts mostly do not report when they are sexually abused because they are frequently threatened by the perpetrator that speaking up will lead to further violence for themselves and others.
Indeed researchers agree that figures on child sexual abuse are controversial because some cases are not reported while boys, because of their gender orientation, are more likely not to report sexual abuse than girls.
Boys, it is argued are socialised into a feeling that they should grow up to be “real men”. Acknowledging abuse or making it public makes them feel they would be compromising their gendered identity as “real” men.
Boys respect gender stereotypes more than girls and this tends to influence their reaction to sexual abuse. Gender stereotyping prescribes that men should be dominant, particularly in sexual matters. Because of differences in gender perception, sexually abused girls are more likely to display internalised behaviours such as fear, social withdrawal, inhibitions and depressions. On the contrary boys display what psychologists term externalised behaviours such as limit testing, anti-social behaviours and aggression.
Gender interpretations show that abused boys would want to bloat out the feelings of submission and helplessness they felt when they were subjected to sexual violation. It goes without saying that boys are likely to feel more shame because of gender stereotypes in relation to masculinity, machismo and victim status. If the perpetrator is male, they fear to have the homosexual label affixed to their character.
Because boys are culturally expected to be “strong and aggressive”, they are made to feel that they were supposed to stop the abuse.
The unwillingness by boys to report when they would have been sexually victimised is even greater when the perpetrator is a teacher or any other person in authority.
This is so because when one is victimised by a teacher or any other person in a position of authority, the sense of betrayal is greatly magnified. Betrayal is a very difficult event to recover from as it leaves the victim with a sense of guilt.
Another primary reason why most boys do not report sexual abuse is because they do not know whether they would be believed. In these kinds of cases, there would be often some people who believed that the alleged perpetrator could not possibly have committed the offence.
This reinforces the victim’s perception that they are powerless to come forward.
An official from Childline who requested anonymity citing bureaucracy said the reason why abused boys tend to die in silence was because of the prevailing myth that if a boy is sexually abused by an adult male, he is a homosexual.
“Of all the calls we are receiving 60 percent are to do with girls. This is so because abused boys don’t tell; if they do, they often have to trust in a system that may initially portray them in a very negative way, initially as homosexuals. Although this is not true it often results in the male victim becoming further stigmatised.
“From this perspective it is clear that society has a long way to go in understanding and educating itself to the fact that those male victims of sexual abuse are not gays and that their perpetrators are also not gays but predominantly heterosexual males,” said the official.
Studies have also shown that while sexually abused women are more likely to be trapped into a pattern of revictimisation, boys are more likely to become paedophiles, sadists or to engage in dangerous and violent behaviour to prove that they are “real men”. Sometimes in an effort to psychologically prove that they are “real men”, victims may show an exaggerated sense of the macho image by having a multiple of sexual partners.
Family therapist, Terry Real in his book about male depression titled I Don’t Want To talk About It, argued that culturally boys are socialised not to be victims but victors and asking for help is still seen by many of them as a sign of weakness.
“So, for a young boy who is molested by a male offender, the issue of sexual identity comes into play. We see young males in therapy asking the question frequently: ‘If I am abused by a male and I am also male, does that mean I am gay?’ Little children ask this question frequently in therapy, and teen male victims often just choose to suffer in silence because of this fear”, he observed.
Asked what should be done to make boys open up when sexually abused, sociologist and gender activist with the Ministry of Women Affairs, Gender and Community Development, Mr Tapiwa Sikwila, said there was a need for society to vigorously campaign against child sexual abuse.
“We need to create at grassroots level, a sense of realisation that the behaviour is anti-social. Parents should strive to talk to their children about sexual abuse situations and how they detect advances before they are attacked and what to do in the event of an attack. In such circumstances mothers have a crucial role to play in teaching children how to detect potential abusers in the home,” he said.
Mr Sikwila said instead of giving the perpetrators penal sentences it was time the issue of community based rehabilitation was taken seriously. “Our jails have become centres for hardened criminals. It’s time prisons are turned into rehabilitation centres. When inmates leave these places they should preach good message to all potential criminals,” said Mr Sikwila.
To help bring this type of abuse out into the open therapy for sexually abused boys therefore needs to be premised on gendered perception of life held by the victims.
Efforts should be sternly made to ensure that adults protect young people. The need for further education by parents and educators on how to break the culture of silence is of paramount importance to curb an upsurge of child sexual abuse.
While much has been done in prevention and education regarding child sexual abuse, unfortunately there is more to be done by creating emotionally safe environments for males to disclose sexual abuse cases and let it be known to boys that this can happen to them too.
Online Reporter