adminHaving taken time to study in and around that area of relationships, I began to understand the divine plan that God had when he instituted the marriage relationship in Genesis 2:24. I am, however, concerned with the state of affairs in our world today because men and women are getting into relationships without even knowing why they are getting into them.
I remember saying the other time I wrote on this particular subject that many young people, particularly, are under pressure to get girlfriends or boyfriends, so that they fit in into
the system that has generated itself into our paradigms. There is no longer that value that used to be there even in our own African culture, where a relationship between a man and a woman would be handled with much respect and benevolence. Like a singer sang, “Sebetshaya ama-taste and pass.” That’s exactly what is going on!
We notice that in high schools, we even have 15-year-olds who say they have boyfriends! I know you are asking what is wrong with that; exactly my point, the system of the world has got so much in us that we do not want to acknowledge how God would want these relationships handled. At 15 you need to be so much in love with your books because all these other things will always be there.
I remember telling some brothers and sisters of mine back when I was in Upper Six that I had made a commitment with God that no-one who was in a relationship was going to do better than me in our final exams. I was doing three subjects and those who had boy/girl friends were doing plus one by virtue of their commitment to their lovers. It made no sense to me that anyone in that position could do better than me because their focus was divided. And that is exactly what happened, when the results came, only one girl who we were together with in Scripture Union had done better than me by a single point in our A-level stream!
What am I trying to say here? I am simply saying that if relationships are pursued wrongly and at the wrong time they become very destructive. There are two sets of people who become self-destructive in this sense. Firstly, there are those who rush things and get into big trouble because they were ill-prepared and the timing was wrong and secondly those whose time comes and they are also ill-prepared. Because these are hearty issues, both sets of people will need to understand certain things.
The first category of people gets trapped in a lot of heart-break, hurt and turmoil because their past relationships have left a mark in their emotional life. They have dated so many people that they are now so confused as to what they want. This also becomes dangerous in that they start looking for a ‘perfect’ candidate, a wish which will only flourish in their dreams because nobody meets that standard.
The second category gets frustrated because they think something is wrong with them because their time is up and they have no-one who might be considering them. That is exactly the reason why you meet a brother or sister who is very passionate for God settling for a ‘lover’ who is nowhere near the heart of God. They would settle for anyone who avails themselves regardless of their previous value system.
Having said all these things, the constant value that remains in both scenarios is this thing called ‘preparation’.
Jesus says to Peter in Luke 22:8 “Go and prepare the Passover for us, so that we may eat.” In other words, if we are to enjoy anything in this life, we will need to prepare for it, more so things that are in our future. Jesus was partaking of the Passover later on but he sends Peter beforehand to ‘work things out’. So, before you get into relationships that might be bombs with self-destructive mechanisms, you will need to send your mind and your heart to the University of Preparation.
Failing to prepare is always a preparation to fail. It’s very important that we understand that this responsibility to prepare does not lie with God or with anyone else. Many people wait for their Pastors or leaders to teach them on these things but because our parents in the faith might be concentrating on other things, we cannot remain ignorant and under prepared in these matters.
The major areas of preparation are your relationship with God, your accountability system (get mentors, men/women of God you will talk to), your own personal livelihood (career, school, ministry etc) and also what I want to talk about, understanding how you go about relating with the opposite sex.
Men and women are entirely different, that is both a natural fact and a spiritual truth. If you primarily understand this, you will be able to relate with anyone you meet and not even have a problem. This is very critical because we are not necessarily taught on these facts at school and when relationships do not work or they do not start at all, we blame many other things.
For example, women are very emotional beings. Their emotion is connected to any part of their life and so because of this, a man cannot treat a woman like he treats a man because he is very likely to be taken as very inconsiderate of ‘how she feels’, though genuinely he might not know how she feels unless she tells him. Men on the other hand are very less emotional. Men are so less emotional that they actually prefer calling each other by their nicknames rather than their real names because deep within their subconscious mind, using real names will raise emotion, somehow and they avoid it.
More examples? When women go out to eat, they are going there to band and get to build face to face relationships but when men go out to eat, they are hungry and they want food! Or they want to do business!
Simple things like that matter in our understanding the opposite sex. I would want to continue further next time on this particular topic on our differences.
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BRUCE ITAI CHIMANI is a BSc in Journalism and Media Studies student at NUST. He can be contacted on:[email protected]
Facebook Profile: Bruce Itai Chimani II
Blog: www.bruceitaichimani.wordpress.com
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