Can you count in vernacular?

WOW, there is nothing as tough as counting in SiNdebele from 1 to 100, so says a middle-aged Ndebele/Kalanga guy called Mlalazi.
And I have just given up trying to do that as I have totally failed. And wait a minute, how old am I really by the way? And can I say that in Ndebele? Another total failure, as I have to think really hard first before I can say it.
This gets interesting by the minute.

And, by the way dear reader, this one is for you. Let’s see how adept you are with figures. Can you say your age in your vernacular language whatever it is to yourself right now? If you fail, take a moment to laugh at yourself, as it will make you feel good in that you have told yourself a nice joke this lazy Sunday.

Here is an undisputable fact. Guys born and bred in the rural areas are more intelligent than their counterparts raised in the cities.
What! The city guy will erupt. No ways! Obani!

I know this has raised the curiosity level of many to super high, because most city guys think eRenkini and eGodini long distance bus termini are the most unintelligent places, especially with regards to tidiness, overcrowding, loud voices, sweaty armpits, and rhumba music coming from cellphones hanging from thongs around the necks of guys selling mirrors and needles.

And so what do I mean when I say guys raised in the village are more intelligent than those raised in the city?
I will tell you. It’s very simple and does not need bottle store science. Because the guys raised in the village can say all the months of the year in vernacular without blinking an eyelid. And just make a mistake and pick up any city guy next to you and ask them to please tell you to do that, and just listen to how the guy is going to stammer and say give me a chance to go and consult my grandmother or ukhulu.

By the way, what is February in SiNdebele? I am scratching my head, please somebody out there help I want to use it in a SiNdebele poem I am composing.

But again we think it funny to hear a person counting in vernacular in the city, like say they are buying something in the supermarket, and they say the price in vernacular. Amatshumi amane lesitshiya ngalolunye. I think this will raise a smile on many people’s faces, not to mention the frustration in the shop assistant’s face, who most probably would not have understood what would have been said.

Here is another interesting one. What language do I think in? This is the question I most often meet in creative writing classes in Europe. Well, what language do you dear reader think in?

I will tell you the language I think in. It’s not soccer language by the way as I rarely follow soccer unless if it’s the World Cup, but I think in masese language, my favourite brew. Kikikiki. This language will get me excited on any boring day, and it really oils the creative juices.

A child was asked in school what language are the words mummy and daddy, and the kid with all the confidence of the world said it’s SiNdebele.

We can’t blame this kid can we, as this is the African vernacular taught in their home by their very happy parents who would give an arm just to outdo their neighbours in being the modern family.

I was talking about counting figures and months in SiNdebele, Shona, Kalanga, Tonga, and our other languages, now let’s try to count the seasons, summer, autumn, winter and spring. Please don’t ask me as I am not the best person for that, I am also as lost as you are.

I really must go back to school or look for a private tutor to re-learn my SiNdebele, something that seems I really neglected during my school-going days about two decades or so ago.

But well, there is uMthunywa for consolation, I think if I read more of it I might pick up a few or more words and re-teach myself the beauty of both formal and informal SiNdebele, and not isitsotsi which abounds in street corners.

Asifundeni isintu sethu.