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Dear Tete Joyie:
THE memory of seeing my sister and husband half naked in the garden still torments me every day.
I only looked out of the window by chance, otherwise I would never have known.
We have been married for 11 years. My husband is 37 and works long hours, sometimes night shifts.
My sister is 38, two years older than me.
She has been my confidante ever since our mum died very suddenly — and I can’t believe she could do such a thing.
This all happened after a family party at our house.
My sister arrived late and drunk after going to a work do.
My husband was not in work the next day, so he really went for it that night.
He could hardly stand by 11pm and I told him to go to bed.
I assumed that’s what he’d done.
But when I was clearing up after the others had left, I looked out of the kitchen window and saw my sister pleasuring him.
She had her skirt up round her waist so it was pretty obvious what had gone on before.
I shouted at them both to go to bed — I was too shocked to know what else to say or do.
My husband says he cannot understand how he could have done this to me.
He begs me to stay with him and says he loves me and our eight-year-old son.
He constantly tells me how sorry he is.
I can’t even look at my sister.
I hate her for it.
How could she behave like this with my husband when she has one of her own at home?
He wasn’t there that night because he didn’t want to come alone while she was at the work do.
My husband blames the drink but I think that is the easy way out.
For all I know, he has fancied my sister all these years and the alcohol just made it easier for him.
It doesn’t mean he is innocent.
Every time I see him help himself to a drink, I start wondering what he might do if he has another one and gets a bit tipsy.
I don’t know what to do.
Tete Joyie says:
Giving up on your marriage and family life because of one drunken incident would be sad.
But tell your husband he has to work at restoring your trust, and not just saying sorry.
Explain how anxious you feel when you see him have a drink.
If he doesn’t know what he is doing after a drink or two, he needs to cut down seriously.
Talk to your sister about this as it is a shame to let a rift open up.
If she apologises convincingly, you may be able to put that image out of your mind eventually.
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Late period after hot sex with married neighbour
Dear Tete Joyie:
MY neighbour and I have been secretly meeting for sex.
It’s been brilliant but now my period is late and I think I’m pregnant.
I am 17 and have had a huge crush on my next-door neighbour for ages.
He is so fit.
He’s in his thirties and married, with children, so I know we can’t be together.
I’d babysit for them a couple of years ago.
Another neighbour had a party at New Year and I made a real effort to look my best.
My friend helped me buy a bodycon dress and did my make-up and hair for me.
Even she was amazed, as I’m normally a “jeans and T-shirt” girl.
My plan was to seduce this guy at the party.
I spoke to him and his wife and had a few drinks, sneaking outside to the summer house to top up from a bottle I’d hidden there.
At midnight, everyone was wishing each other “Happy New Year” and he went outside, so I followed him.
He said he wanted to clear his head, as he’d had too much to drink.
We chatted but I was cold so he put his arm around me.
I took my chance and put my arms around him too.
Next thing I knew, we were kissing.
He put his hand up my dress and said I was gorgeous.
We had sex at the back of the house.
We were outside for ages but no one noticed.
I went home feeling thrilled.
A few days later, he came round when my mum and dad were out.
He said he wanted us to go on meeting up and to go to his in ten minutes.
We had sex in his bed and now he texts me to go round every time his wife goes out.
It feels good and he says I’m a passionate girl.
But when I told him I think I might be pregnant he wasn’t happy.
I now wonder if he’s just using me for sex or if he does actually want a relationship with me.
Every time I try to talk about it, he changes the subject but we end up in bed again.
I can’t talk to my parents about it and I really don’t know what to do.
Tete Joyie says:
Don’t waste time fretting or hoping he is going to show some sense of responsibility.
It won’t happen and you urgently need to find out if you really are pregnant then make some realistic decisions, like telling your parents.
If you are pregnant, there is no chance of a lasting relationship with this guy, or giving the child a stable start in life with two caring parents.
He has a partner and children.
He has been happy to play away but all the signals are that he doesn’t see you as a potential partner or want another child with you as the mother.
You will have to be strong and cope as a single parent, he will be legally obliged to help maintain your child.
But it will be the end of your teenage years as you know them.
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Online Reporter