Online ReporterFadzayi Maposah
Correspondent
WHEN we start some things, we do not really understand the commitments and sacrifice that will be required.
Life is truly lived forwards, but understood backwards.
Looking back, it seems clearer now, but back then, it was hazy and there was a push just to do the things.
As one gets older, they realise that they have spent most of their life living for others.
I have come to understand why older people are often misunderstood and may at times behave like some headstrong adolescents.
They have realised that for too long they have put themselves on the sidelines and have buried loved ones. They have come to terms with the fact that they may be running out of time to live life to the full.
So we see them and tend to judge that they have their minds in the wrong place. Being very close to the elders these days, I can actually relate to what they are going through.
I am at that point in my life where I simply put myself first. I am not being selfish. I am just looking after myself.
I do not want to be explaining myself to others. How do I explain to you that these days I can just wake up and decide that for breakfast, I am having sadza and tsunga with peanut butter?
My housemates (my family!) may ask how hungry am I to have sadza in the morning? Some people enjoy chimunya (sadza left from the previous day), but I prefer to have sadza that I prepare in the morning.
Even if a fellow housemate comes to fry their eggs and toast their bread, I will enjoy my sadza and be content. Of course, before cooking the sadza and tsunga, I will inform the housemates and if anyone is interested in sadza in the morning, there will be enough for them.
The scenario that I have shared may seem trivial, but it sets the tone for bigger issues.
One of the issues is communication. Telling the other housemates that the plan is to make sadza opens the way for discussing other issues. These include others asking what the relish will be. Someone may decide for or against the sadza, given the available relish.
There can even be suggestions for alternative relish. If the discussions continue, either another starch can replace the sadza, or one is convinced to leave the meal for later. The small things in life need open and honest communication. Where there is trust, there is no need to pretend to be a sadza lover when the meal is offered, and then not enjoy any morsel.
When one communicates, there can be different responses to any request that has been made. The answer can be either yes or no.
There is no harm in asking. When one asks, it can be as expected or it can come as a disappointment. When one is emotionally intelligent, one learns to handle answers and not always to throw tantrums when the response they were expecting does not come.
I was in a meeting this week where issues affecting adolescents were being discussed. To be honest, the last Zimbabwe Demographic Health Survey (ZDHS) 2023-2024 had statistics that throw one off the chair. The young people in this country are going through much and the statistics show that adolescent sexual health is in big trouble and all partners need to put hands on deck to ensure that the country saves these young people.
Regarding teenage parents, Mashonaland Central Province recorded 37 percent, followed by Mashonaland West Province at 31 percent.
The lowest prevalence rates were recorded in Harare Province (16 percent) and Bulawayo Province at 13 percent. These statistics are very sad given that the adolescents are becoming parents at a very young age and the responsibilities that they carry upon on their shoulders is high. Handling parenthood is no easy feat.
Even the mature parents struggle to find the ropes when the new baby joins the family. There is need for material and non-material support for the parents as they adjust to the new set-up. Change is never easy. The baby can cry and fail to sleep, and one is clueless on how to deal with the situation.
I remember the adolescent days when we were asked to babysit younger cousins. It was not babysitting, but baby carrying! Rarely would we be sitting. The younger babies would be strapped on our backs by an adult. Later we would have to strap the baby on our own.
When the baby started crying, we would eagerly walk to give the mother back the baby. We were not bothered by roles that the mother was best placed to do!
Looking at the ZDHS statistics, I shudder to think how the adolescent mothers are coping. In most cases, the parents or guardians of the teenager end up playing the parenting roles for the adolescent and their baby. Such parents need a lot of support.
The important thing for now is to initiate parent-child communication and ensure that sexuality is part of the issues discussed. To discuss sexuality, one needs to be at ease with the other party. When communication is ongoing, nothing becomes difficult.
Take the cue from the sadza discussion and be open to hear what the young people have to say. Be prepared to be shocked, but also understand that once you have a safe space for the young people, they will always be free to come to you.
We cannot sit back and not discuss issues that are raging in the country.
There is so much potential that is lost when adolescents miss out on their youthful years and are pushed into parenthood.
Peter Tanyanyiwa