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YOU cannot teach an old dog new tricks! This is one of the popular adages which make it clear that changing someone is mission impossible. Those who try to ‘‘re-create’’ a person always find themselves disappointed and heartbroken.
Of course each and every person has got an image and expectations of the kind of person she would love to spend her life with. Unfortunately it’s not a walk in the park to meet that ideal person and some people will then consider option B where they tell themselves they will change the other person to be what they want.
At first it will be easy to tolerate his habits and all because you will be hoping that one day he will change and do as you want so that he keeps you happy. Months will turn into years, but still that person will be sticking to his “unacceptable” behaviour. This will then lead to fights and tension in the relationship taking away your happiness.
You may want them to change but remember that encouraging someone to be their best self is an admirable quality of a supportive partner, but forcibly trying to change your spouse can do more damage than good — for both of you.
Changing old habits is something which must happen naturally and out of choice, not something you exhaustively pursue. For example, we have seen some men stopping or let me say putting their drinking habits at halt just to please their partners. It will be “out of choice” after being threatened with red cards. It happens for some time or whenever they take beer, they will be doing it behind their partner’s back. After years when you are married and with children, the man will start showing his true colours because he will be knowing that he has put you in a corner where moving out is not an easy thing.
You then begin to live with regrets as your mission of changing him would not have yielded any results, but instead made it worse with him trying to prove a point. It is just as good as changing his belief, most have failed and at the end it brings confusion in the family.
Putting yourself on a mission to change your spouse is highly disrespectful to them and to your relationship. There are many habits that are healthy to break such as smoking or overeating but trying to change your partner’s personality isn’t one of them. Respect indicates that your feeling will always be considered, that your happiness and welfare are important to your partner and promotes a feeling of trust, appreciation and empathy. When you disrespect your spouse, you break down their self-esteem, hurt their feelings, and demean their sense of self.
Personal growth is fantastic. Everyone has things, be it bad habits, goals, or foibles that they could work on. You should not always preach your partner the gospel that he must change and be like so and so. It will be like telling them that they not good enough for you and you wish that other person you admire was your wife or husband. This can push them away and cause distance in the relationship.
Trying to change your partner will leave them feeling unworthy and leave you emotionally exhausted. Your partner is not your special project and you are not responsible for any changes they make in their lives. While your love and encouragement may help them reach their potential faster than they would on their own, their journey to a better self is ultimately their own. Don’t change your partner. If you are in a relationship with the idea that you’ll only be happy when your partner fits the mould you have designed for them, you should not be in this relationship because you are just waiting for a bomb to explode, leaving you hurt. Either you like the person you are with or you don’t, not the business of “recreating” your own creature.
Always know that there is a vast difference between encouraging someone to be their best self and trying to change who they are completely. A complete make-over is not easy to do and each and every human being is different. Remember that you and your partner have got different backgrounds. Better treat them with love and respect enjoying them for who they are now, not who they could be someday.
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