Daughter spent night at a lodge with boyfriend

I AM married to a beautiful lady and we have two daughters, aged 16 and 18. I run a successful family business with my wife. My retired parents live in the same city as us.

Last week, I learnt through a reliable neighbour that my elder daughter spent a night at a lodge with her boyfriend.

This neighbour works at the lodge and shared this information with me in confidence, understanding the potential risk to their job.

My daughter had deceptively told us she was going to spend that night at her grandparents’ house, and we believed her. When we confronted her, we were angry, and she eventually confessed the truth.

My father was completely unaware of this. We are heartbroken and unsure how to proceed as parents without causing undue stress to my mother. What can we do?

Response

Greetings, dear writer. I found your letter deeply concerning. Gogo is expected to be a better role model and play a crucial part in her granddaughter’s formative years so that she blossoms into a fine young lady.

I know it is like spilt milk, but lessons must be taught because we are living in very dangerous times. Sit down as a family and discuss this issue.

Her grandmother must be a part of the meeting. She needs to stop siding with your daughter, especially when she is up to no good.

Inform her boyfriend’s parents about what happened. Now is the time to correct the children’s wayward behaviour before it gets out of hand. Please keep an eye on your daughter or you may lose her forever. Keep your informant’s name private. I would be happy to hear from you again.

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My in-laws are good at gossip

Dear Amai, I hope this letter finds you well. I am a married woman in my mid-thirties with two children. My husband is the same age as
me, and we are both gainfully employed.

However, the family I married into has a significant problem with gossiping, which causes a lot of friction. My husband is the third-born in a family of six.

He has a well-paying job and, consequently, many family members, including his parents, rely on him for financial support during difficult times. This has led to everyone trying to be close to him.

I often overhear their gossip as they speak negatively about each other, trying to appear favourable in his eyes. His nickname in the family is “Musvowemari” (money maker).

They also have family group chats that I believe are being misused. Instead of fostering connection, these chats seem to function as informal courts to try and resolve disputes.

It deeply saddens me because I come from a background where family relationships are very harmonious. How can I encourage my in-laws to get along better?

Response

I am very well, thank you for asking. Your analysis of the family dynamics is insightful. You have clearly identified the issues and are seeking solutions. You are right, gossip can be very damaging, like a cancer that can quickly destroy social connections if left unchecked.

It seems your husband’s financial support has inadvertently created a dynamic where his family members compete for his favour.

I agree that it would be best for your husband to initiate a conversation about this with his parents first.

Following that discussion, he could propose a family meeting where these issues can be addressed openly and respectfully.

If necessary, involving a professional counsellor in the meeting could provide valuable guidance and mediation.

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Aunt taking advantage of me

My parents are peasant farmers. I have three siblings: two sisters and one brother. I am the second-born, with an elder sister.

Two years ago, I did not achieve the results I hoped for in my Ordinary Level exams and I intended to retake them.

My aunt, who is married to my father’s younger brother, visited
our home and made attractive promises.

She brought me to Harare, suggesting she wanted to help me further my education, and in return, I would assist her with some household chores.

Everyone was pleased with this arrangement.

However, the reality is that I am now working as a full-time unpaid househelp. The promise of returning to school remains unfulfilled and I feel a strong desire to go back home.

While my aunt occasionally buys me small gifts, they cannot make up for the amount of work I do. I am considering running away because at least at home I feel appreciated. Please advise me on what to do.

Response

Hello, I am truly sorry to hear about the difficult situation you are in. It seems your aunt lied to lure you.

Do not run away. Instead, sit down with her and remind her of the promises she made to you. If you want to go back home and pursue your studies, let her know so that she will not continue to waste your precious time.

This must be done respectfully and in a calculated manner.

You should let your parents know in advance because they are in the picture of what transpired when you left home.

They may make plans to enrol you in a school closer to them before you leave your aunt’s place. Finally, remember to follow your dreams. I would be happy to hear from you again.

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