admin“Humanity is a virus” is the conclusion by Agent Smith in the cult movie “The Matrix” and viruses should be eradicated. In some of our dealing with people we probably get the same feeling from time to time. Dealing with humans can be tricky business.Conversations can go awry, tempers can be lost, and people can be just plain nasty (this is even worse in Zimbabwean summer heat).
One can barely get between home and work in the traffic without having your blood pressure rise, then you have to deal with Bill who is griping about how his poor salary justifies his poor sales performance and claims that if you just give him a raise his performance is sure to improve.
We daily face conversations that test our ability to interact with our fellow man. From chatting to your spouse over breakfast cereal, to negotiating worker issues, to pitching a sale to a new prospect; our lives are peppered with the challenge of communicating the right way to get the best result.
Our lives are scattered with the charred and broken remains of conversations that went badly leaving relationships in tatters and a nasty taste in your mouth (and the ears of your listener).
Part of the problem is that we are, after all, human. Humans are hard-wired to react in certain ways. Push someone and they push back. Raise your voice to someone and they will probably raise theirs and their defences.
Threaten and adrenaline floods the system with a whole bunch of side effects that make rational thought and communication difficult at best. Not only that, but adrenaline takes a little while to get out of the system.
Add to that the survival mentality of so many people and it would appear that the graceful art of communication is doomed to failure at the start. Fortunately there are a number of tools that can be employed to make the odds of success easier.
Go for the heart and
not the jugular
Seek to understand who the other person is and where they are coming from. Seek the relationship and not just throwing a bunch of cold hard facts about your product at them.
Be intentional about this
Relationships thrive on continued intentionality (husbands take note here). If you face a tough conversation you have to decide what you want for both you and the other person before the conversation begins.
The goal you set before is the goal you are going to get during it
If you goal is to make a sales pitch that is what you will do; make a pitch and leave. If you are looking to build a mutually beneficial relationship with the person that will stand the test of time then you are much more likely to not just make a sale but a friend as well.
Have you been targeted by the guys selling car polish in shopping centre car parks yet? They have a very fast, and smooth, and almost persuasive pitch. It is capable of doing the job, you may buy a can, but that is where it stops. You do not get the guy’s number, you will probably never see him again and if you do he will start his pitch at the beginning because you are an unmemorable statistic.
If you want repeat business you cannot treat people like statistics, you have to treat them as sensible, sane and decent human beings.
Therein lies the crux to dealing with people; you have to deal with them the way you would like to be treated — as a sensible, sane and decent person-even if they are not treating you like that at the moment. You may have every right to feel that you can be rude to a person just remember it is unlikely to get you anywhere.
Before you blurt out in anger step away from the situation (even if it is in your head), calm down, reappraise and see if this is working towards a mutually beneficial goal. It looks so easy in print but in reality this is a learnt process and not one that takes one lesson either.
We are trained to find fault and to be right all the time (think of Grade One and who got the sweet from the teacher-the kid who was right first). Breaking this takes intentionality and practice.
Learn to listen, seek to understand
Looking to understanding does not mean instant agreement and being empathetic does not equal ‘giving in’.
It does, however, mean that you are trying to find out where the other person is at rather than just ramming your ‘perfect’ answer down their throat. A little more dialogue will go a long way to finding lasting solutions that may have been overlooked.
If you have messed up conversations in the past then humbly, intentionally and sensitively seek reconciliation with the injured party with the goal of a restored relationship.
If it were quick and easy everyone would do it. Sadly the path ahead is a difficult one but it can be navigated one step at a time.
Online Reporter