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Peyton Garland
Humans have mastered the art of hauling hateful words at the masses: the person who cut us off in traffic, the stranger who blew up our comment section, the ex-boyfriend we should not have dated, the in-law who is far too nosey, the doctor who was snippy and calloused…
Often, the words that fall out of the mouth are a direct reflection of the heart. Proverbs 4:23 says, “Above everything else, guard your heart; for it is the source of life’s consequences.” Our mind, body, and spirit are rooted together so much so that when the mind is infuriated, downcast, or vengeful, the body will reflect those emotions. Thus, we clench our fists as we shout unthinkable things through tears of anger or pure sadness.
As Christians, we know this is not how we should treat others, but what if this is the way we should not treat ourselves too?
If you are like me, believing for ages that God called us to walk an impossibly tight rope, perhaps you dispel anger, frustration, and sadness on yourself. You keep a tally list of your rights and wrongs and simply wait for the day God hurls lightning bolts your way. But in the meantime, you settle for verbally abusing yourself. After all, you deserve some sort of punishment, right? Maybe self-inflicted torment stings harder, boils hotter, and purifies quicker, right?
Wrong. Heartbreakingly wrong.
No matter our motives, our actions, our deepest thoughts, or the darkest secrets we fear to tell anyone, God rescues his people, his beloved, from all mistakes and terrors.
John 1 verse 4:16 says, “And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.”
To be in God’s presence, sin and all, means you are not in the presence of lightning bolts but the presence of love. God adores a repentant heart not because he craves control but because nothing bolsters his joy more than when we are free of sin and shame. And often, that shame is self-inflicted. Christ never called us to punish ourselves. That is the very reason he took on the cross, so you and I would never have to say to ourselves:
Of course, I don’t look good in…
When we relentlessly believe we never look just right in those jeans, that dress, this blazer and…. We are leaving room for the enemy to continue fuelling lies. The one thing Satan wants us to doubt the most is that God calls us his beloved. If we forget we are beloved, we forget the inherent beauty that we wake up with each day. Yes, take care of your body. Exercise and eat healthy foods, but never allow one negative thought to permeate your soul. Joy is beautiful. The beautiful are beloved. The beloved is you.
I will never be her
You are not wrong. You are not her. Or the other her. Or the other 3,5 billion hers on the planet because you were hand-fashioned by God to be you. Is it not strange how often we love to quote Psalm 139:13-14 to back our anti-abortion beliefs, yet we allow such a striking, beautiful truth to fall by the wayside after a baby is born? Once the wears and tears of life creep up disguised as crows’ feet and gray hairs, we forget that we are still the very creatures handmade by God.
I will be honest, you will not walk through life without wishing you had someone else’s hair colour, skin, curves among others, but you can put a stop to that thought becoming a broken-record chisel that continues chipping away at your God-given worth.
When I notice this devious comparison game the enemy likes to launch in my mind, I have a subtly different tactic than simply wishing the thought away: I wish I had her curly hair, Satan curates in my mind.
Yeah, I respond, that would be nice… except if I had her curly hair, I would not have my straight hair that lets me crimp and curl however I please. I acknowledge that it would be nice to have that other thing, but I reinforce the good thing God gave me.
I blew it again
And you will blow it again tomorrow; such is the nature of living in a fallen body, trapped in a fallen world. Yet, what I love so much about Christ’s character is that our imperfections were the very catalyst that brought him to earth. He loves us despite our flaws, and rescuing us from our habitual sins is a purpose and pleasure he volunteered to carry out until the end of time.
This does not mean we sin for fun because, hey, God loves forgiving us, but it does mean he strives with a repentant heart that seeks refinement through love.
I’m good at nothing
Well, if I can be frank, you are good at putting yourself down, and that is something, but this something is detonating your source of life and light.
1 Corinthians 12:31 says, “eagerly desire the greater gifts.” And guess what’s greater than putting yourself down? Being generous with your time and volunteering at a trustworthy charity. Taking on a music class to join the worship team at church. Leading others to the truth.
There’s No Point in Trying One More Time
If each person adopted this concept, I am not sure people would be here today, quite literally. I know if my parents had given up after two years of trying to conceive, I would not be here. If they had given up after another three years of trying to conceive, my little sister would not be here.
Eden was meant for perfect people, but this world is not designed to offer perfection. Because this is undeniably true, God, through Christ, has paved the way for us to still be successful, accomplished, thrilled, and (righteously) proud even amid our failures.
If you are waiting for the day that you will navigate any area of your life without flaw, you will never accomplish anything that holds merit in light of eternity. So yes, there is always a point in trying one more time to get that book published, make that baby, or launch that shop.
I Don’t Deserve Good Things
Technically, we all deserve hell. So if we adopt this idea that we do not deserve good things, we allow Christ’s sacrifice to fall by the wayside.
Of course, we do not deserve heaven, but Jesus also does not deserve for us to live out this false, disrespectful notion that his sacrifice was not enough for us to step into forgiveness, love, and the good things he has in store for us.
No One Will Ever Love Me
Of course, you know God loves you. I will not cram that down your throat. But what I will remind you of is that humans crave hope, light, laughter, and joy, and so long as you allow yourself to constantly believe no one will want you, that gloomy cloud of self-hate will be obvious.
Simply respond to the thought with, that is not true. God loves me. I am proud of who God is making me. And one day, when the time is right, a great person will love me too.
Halting those negative thoughts will allow a healthier headspace that will naturally put an extra pep in your step and add a bit brighter shine to your smile. I promise.
I Cannot Move Forward
Likely, the past haunts you, but with the present at hand, where else can you go? Which direction will you take? So long as you have breath in your lungs, you can choose what you do with your life. This doesn’t mean life will be flawless, that you will not have roadblocks, hurdles, and tough challenges, but your decision to move forward is how you regain confidence in yourself, in others, and more importantly, in God. Moving forward looks like adopting a positive attitude, seeking ways to implement change in your routine and filtering out harmful relationships.
God wants to shower us with good things, but if we never leave our houses, never put down our phones, never step out of our comfort zones and push life onward, how will we reach those blessings?
I Hate Myself
Perhaps you truly feel as though you hate yourself, that looking in the mirror fills you with disgust. But let me remind you of one simple truth: God’s grace is inescapable. No matter why you cannot stand to be in a room alone with yourself, God occupies that space. And if his grace is ever-present, so is his love. So long as his love is present, hate is dispelled.
You can attempt to hate yourself as much as you want, you can continue torturing yourself, but the very breath you breathe is filled with God’s love. The very room you sit in is saturated with his grace. The very steps you take are guided by his mercy. Thus, for the child of God, hate can’t survive, let alone thrive.
There’s No Way God is Still with Me
Except, well, there is.
God forgives, he loves, he protects, nurtures, encourages, heals and stays.
He is so gracious–so in love with you–that his loyalty has chosen to know no end. He quite literally refuses to separate himself from his steadfast nature. – iBelieve
Peyton Garland is an author and coffee shop hopper who loves helping others find beauty from ashes despite OCD, burned bridges, and perfectionism.
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