Diary of a 30-something

MONDAY
I did not go to work today. I was not feeling well Diary. I think all this marriage stuff is finally getting to me. The meeting with the head of the church affected me so much and I cried myself to sleep. The meeting with my husband’s family and mine was such a disaster. I forgot what we were all there for. Words were said between the families that should never have been said. I am glad my husband and I held out tongues otherwise a physical fight would have broken out.

TUESDAY
I went to see the doctor today. He said I was showing signs of being highly stressed which was not good for me or the baby. I have the flu and he said he suspected it was because of being stressed. He gave me Vitamin C tablets, along with some tablets to help me sleep and another batch of relaxants. I hope they work for now. The truth is that my marriage is in a mess and it is affecting me not just emotionally but also physically.

WEDNESDAY
So Diary, what does my man do? He decides to book us for marriage counselling. Really; I mean really! What is the counsellor going to tell us they we do not know. What is he or she going to talk to us about that I have not tried to talk to my man about ha? This person is pulling at straws because he does not want to face the truth or himself. How long will he continue to bring people in and out of our marriage to try and fix it when he knows perfectly well that he is the problem? It is simple, he just needs to admit what he has done wrong and correct it. Come to think about it, I should investigate the other woman’s claims of being pregnant. I mean if he has sired a kid with another woman what is there to say he won’t take her on as a second wife tomorrow in line with tradition?

THURSDAY
I slept the whole day today with my baby. He has flu and so do I. I think my baby is feeling my hurt, so I need to get myself together and try to be positive around him and other people. I spoke to my husband’s little girl this morning. She was crying and insisting on coming to stay with me. It was so hard for me to say goodbye to her. I feel like such a cruel person.

FRIDAY
Anyway, I have to give my hubby 10 points for trying. He really planned this all out well, but it took guts for him to come to speak to my parents because they were very upset after the family fallout the other week.

He must have said the correct thing because just over two hours later, my father was calling me asking me to chat to my man. I wanted to see him again because I miss him, but I am also hurt, so I had mixed feelings. Anyway, I saw him and listened to what he had to say. Like I said the other day he was letting me know we are going for marital counselling. He said other stuff, but I wasn’t really listening – ah too much talking and no real action from people.

SATURDAY
Ah this man! I am not sure what he is trying to do. Is he trying to flirt with me or play with my emotions, or is he genuinely trying to make things better for us? He send me a sweet good morning message before 7am, then he send me a lunchtime message, then he sent me a message this evening. Of course they all touched me deeply and all I wanted was to call him and tell him I love him and want him back. But no! I know his game and I will not fall for it, until I am sure he is for real.

SUNDAY
I went to my parents’ church today. It was nice to be back here after so many years. I moved churches when I got married to attend my husband’s church. I, however, missed having my man sitting next to me though. Oh well!