Differing perceptions

Mertha Mo Nyamande

WE all look at life and the world from a very unique perspective.

We are spiritual, emotional and social beings, beyond our biology and psychology.

These perspectives are critical aspects that determine how we view life, and make sense and decisions. They are based on the thinking triggered by our perceptions, which are filtered through our belief system.

The way we look at life is the problem, for there are no problems outside of ourselves. Everything that happens to us starts within us and with us. We may not understand that the decision we make today will affect us negatively or positively in five or 10 years, even longer. Some of the issues we struggle with were created long before us, but we still have the power to turn things around.

Every life is created with a unique purpose, different from that of parents, who take charge of our upbringing. It can be difficult for most people to understand the power they possess due to external influences and limitations placed on them by their extreme environments.

How we look at life

Largely, we have been raised by parents who have gone through a lot of adversities, including colonial oppression and insecurities. They have, therefore, learnt to live “safely”, without expressing themselves. This idea of staying in our comfort zones gives us a false sense of safety, while things around us actually become worse and more frustrating.

The longer we ignore a problem, the bigger it is likely to become and more difficult to solve. We subsequently require pricier and extreme interventions like surgeries, exorcisms, intense psychotherapy or rehabilitations and, in some cases, complete reformations.

But it is always easier and less costly if we deal with problems as they arise and not let them fester.

 Through the lens of our experiences

Some of us have grown up under extremely difficult circumstances, while for others, everything has been rosy. This is partly responsible for the different belief systems that we live with today.

Also, we are creatures of a habit. Thus, it is difficult, and takes a lot of courage, to change the ways that cause us pain. Not many people have the courage or willingness to do so.

An experience such as childbirth has prompted many women from avoiding pregnancies. Others opt for Caesarean section.

These differences are created by unique experiences we would have gone through.

Any disability in a parent who is charged with providing life experiences to any child affects the young one in many ways.

It does not matter whether the disability was permanent or temporary, mental or physical. The most common and often ignored are the varying personality disorders many parents have developed due to difficult situations.

What can you do to change the way you look at life?

As pointed out earlier, we need to start learning to address issues as they arise and not bury our heads in the sand, as our problems will not go away on their own.

Ultimately, we need to review and change what we consider culture. Culture is not what was done by our ancestors for us to copy and paste but what they did to survive during their time. What we do now would likely be what our great grandchildren learn as our culture. However, they would likely be doing things differently then, given artificial intelligence technology and drones, among other things.

Do unto others as you would like them to do unto you, as per the Ubuntu concept, for the undoing of others is our own undoing as well.

Do your behaviours/actions leave you feeling good and at peace with others?

If we achieve the mentality of win/win or no deal in all our engagements, we would be in a much better environment in no time.

If all else fails, seek therapy and talk to a trained professional to guide you through your difficulties or help you through the journey to self-discovery.

  Mertha Mo Nyamande can be contacted on: [email protected] or @ www.i-wellbeing.weebly.com