adminIt’s official, the holidays have begun. That is if you have a permanent job. Which counts you among the lucky ones, if you are getting paid, that is. So going on holiday is a privilege. A break away from back breaking work. More about that later.
Being part of the information highway, also known as the Internet, is very exciting. You can be in more places around the globe without moving from your computer or phone. This is just one of the wonders of technology.
Having access to e-mail is both a blessing and a curse. That depends on what kind of mail you receive. For instance, if you receive mail informing you that a million United States bucks is ready to be transferred into your bank account by some anonymous benefactor, you have every reason to be excited. If you are dreaming, that is.
You can also fall victim to what is called SPAM mail. Don’t be shocked to see one’s prized computer stuffed inside a rubbish bin. SPAM is unsolicited e-mail, much like a door-to-door salesman.
It’s so annoying because you would have taken so much time to open it and it takes up a lot of memory. Then you have the e-mail version of the chain letter, threatening you with sudden death if you cut the chain.
I am sure you have received that regular voluminous missive from citizens of a certain West African country. Bad English aside, the e-mails are so convincing in their bid to get you to give up you banking details in the process.
It doesn’t really matter to them if you are a messenger or a rocket scientist. To these 419 fraudsters, as they are known, anyone with an e-mail address must be important (or stupid) enough to con.
How many of you have fallen victim to these advance fee fraudsters? How about identity thieves? They surruptiosly gain access to your email password and then send distress e-mails to all your contacts.
Suddenly, your contacts get an e-mail from you claiming to be stuck in London or some such place having lost all your documents. You now need cash to pay your hotel etc etc. And yet you are in Maboleni. Those of your contacts with cash to throw around then send “you” the money via money transfer. You get where this is going.
That is why Internet security consultants advise you not to have passwords that are predictable such as your birthdate or address. Combine letters and numbers and change them regularly. Otherwise sizalibala emaphepheni (you will make the news.)
If you own a laptop or some such device then you surely must have been struck by a virus. An uncle (you know the kind) calls it a “various.” I have given up explaining that it is not the same thing.
A virus is a malicious programme written to adversely affect a computer’s operation, without the user’s knowledge. Web terrorists or hackers are what your mother never warned you about.
Hackers are responsible for this and the most famous virus that was curiously named “I LOVE YOU.” The “Love Bug” e-mailed itself to millions of Internet users. The virus, which claimed to be a love letter from a friend, infected and destroyed computer files when opened.
The total cost in that year was close to $10 billion! That would have wiped out our debt 100 times over.
However, a new virus has been unleashed and I happened to get this warning in my e-mail:
Virus warning: Forward to everyone you know
“There is a new virus going around, called “WORK”. If you receive any sort of “work” at all, whether via e-mail, internet or simply handed to you by a colleague . . . DO NOT OPEN IT.
Work has been circulating around for months and those who have been tempted to open “work” or even look at “work” have found that their social life is deleted and their brain ceases to function properly.
If you do encounter “work” via e-mail or are faced with any “work” at all, then to purge the virus, send an e-mail to your boss with the words “Sorry . . . I’m off to a relative’s funeral.” The “work” virus would then automatically be deleted from your brain.
If you receive “work” in paper-document form, simply lift the document and drag the “work” to your garbage can. Put on your coat and skip to the nearest bar with two friends and order three pints of beer.
After repeating this action 14 times, you will find that “work” will no longer be of any relevance to you. Send this message to everyone in your address book. If you do not have anyone in your address book, then I’m afraid the “work” virus has already corrupted your life.
In other news, scientists are said to have made a breakthrough. A new element was recently discovered and there has been a lot of excitement about it.
The heaviest element known to science, tentatively named Administratium, was recently discovered by physicists. The element, has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0.
However, it does have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons and 111 assistant vice-neutrons, for an atomic number of 312. The 312 particles are held together by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons.
Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be detected chemically, as it impedes every action with which it comes in contact. According to scientists, one reaction that normally requires less than one second was extended to four days by the presence of a minute amount of Administratium.
Administratium has a half-life of approximately three years, at which time it does not actually decay but instead undergoes a reorganisation in which assistant neutrons, vice-neutrons and assistant vice-neutrons exchange places.
Some studies suggest that its atomic mass actually increases in each reorganisation.
Research at other laboratories indicates that Administratium occurs naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points, such as government agencies, large corporations, and universities, and can usually be found in the newest, best appointed, and best maintained buildings.
Scientists point out that Administratium is known to be toxic at any level of concentration and can easily destroy any productive reaction where it is allowed to accumulate.
Attempts are being made to determine how Administratium can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage, but results to date are not promising at all.
Online Reporter