Enduring love: Doctors celebrate 50yrs of marriage

Mkhululi Ncube

DESPITE their years, the enduring affection between Dr Richard Sithole (77) and Dr Effie Sukoluhle Sithole née Mlotshwa (73) shone brightly as they celebrated their golden wedding anniversary in Bulawayo last Sunday.

Married on 27 April 1975, their 50-year love story stands in stark contrast to Zimbabwe’s rising divorce rates and concerns about infidelity and domestic violence.

Sithole, a retired pastor and theology lecturer and Mlotshwa, a retired educationist, both overcame humble beginnings and inspired each other to achieve PhDs. Their enduring commitment marks a remarkable milestone.

“I have told her that my wish is not to die before her because I am worried about who will take care of her,” Sithole said in his soft and calm voice as we wrapped up the interview at their Suburbs house.

Their enduring love was palpable throughout the interview, filled with affectionate glances, gentle touches, and shared laughter. Yet, their beginnings were geographically distant. Mlotshwa grew up in Esigodini, attended schools in the area and Bulawayo, trained as a teacher in Lower Gwelo, and subsequently taught and lectured in Gweru, Plumtree, and Bulawayo. Sithole hails from Tsholotsho District, attending several local schools before Solusi Secondary School.

“We first met in 1972 while I was at college. I loved music and used to sing in a number of musical groups, and our lecturers would take us to some of the churches outside college. So, this other Sabbath, we went to sing at Senga SDA Church, and during Bible study time, as I was commenting on the lesson, this guy who was seated some two rows in front would make a full turn and look at me. I was wondering why he was doing that.

“After church, Richard came straight to me and asked if I knew Enos Mlotshwa, who is my brother, whom he claimed to be his friend. This was after he heard our introductions at church. But that was his trick of breaking the ice. He started writing me letters with a focus on my brother and his love for our singing and music in general. It took time for him to get a letter from me. He had written one and put it in an envelope with a stamp but unaddressed. That is when I first responded to his letters,” said Mlotshwa.

Despite Richard’s lack of proposal, their correspondence continued. However, Mlotshwa, then 20, sensed his intentions. But how did Sithole eventually propose?

“It was through a letter. He expressed his feelings about me. He said he was convinced I was an answer to his prayers. He said God was showing him that I am the right one for him. But I challenged him to say if God was talking to him, He should also talk to me as well,” she said as the couple broke into laughter.

Although not immediately accepting his advances, Mlotshwa offered Sithole hope, stating she needed more time to get to know him. During this period, she discovered that while she was training to be a teacher, his formal education had only gone up to Form Two.

“With that Form Two, we were very educated. You could qualify for a course, you could go for teacher training and nursing,” Sithole interjects humorously, sending all of us into laughter. One of my college lecturers would give us counselling sessions. He warned us that as youths, we usually got carried away by what people possess. He said instead we must look deep and into the future. I started to tick the good things like his love for God and how he influenced youths under his care. Ukuba ngu Form Two kwakhe was not a problem because it was something we could change,” she said Mlotshwa.

That encouraging advice helped Mlotshwa warm to Sithole’s affection, though, like many young women then, she remained a little reserved. However, Sithole nearly jeopardised things when he sent a letter suggesting they could pursue a relationship while she continued to learn more about him.

“Richie wrote to me saying he was coming to Esigodini, where I was at the time. I received the letter soon after church and was shocked that he said he was coming home from Gweru on that same day. Ingqondo zami zahle zaphambana as I did not know why he was coming home and what I would say to my parents.

“True to the letter, he came, and I was very angry. I took him to a relative elder of the church and left him there and went back home. But I knew the elder would bring him home, though, so I had to tell my mother. I tried to gather courage by saying once I count to 10, then I will tell her. Ngangithi ngifika ku ten kwale ukuphuma amazwi,” she said, breaking into another bout of laughter.

After considering it overnight, Mlotshwa nervously told her parents about Sithole the next day. To her surprise, her mother was very supportive.

“My mum said if umuntu ethi uza ngakini uyamekela aze. She then sent me to go bring him home. My parents interviewed him and discovered that they knew his grandmother. This also played a role in me accepting him because he was now known to my parents. Even if I saw those with cars, ngangizathi ngimuse ngaphi uForm Two wami?” she said, as they both laughed again.

Sithole said he was captivated by Mlotshwa’s eloquence and maturity, sensing a deep understanding of life and a strong faith. Their secret to a golden anniversary?

“Siyathandana thina singabangane vele. We love each other and we are friends also. We encourage each other, lo Form Two wami, and I never speak anything bad about him,” said Mlotshwa.

“We do not allow anything to come between us. I respect this girl kakhulu and love her, and we listen and respect each other. There are certain things I do to please my wife, like being accountable to her always. There are certain things I may not do because I want to give my wife happiness,” said Sithole.

They attribute their lasting marriage to shared activities like cooking and addressing disagreements calmly. They also emphasise presenting a united front, even with family. Their advice to others?

“Some hastily get into relationships without taking time to study the other person. You miss a lot of things when you rush to commit; they should take their time. Communicating at the same level is also another aspect that is a challenge for some,” said Mlotshwa.

“Commitment is lacking in many couples, and you find some still communicate with their former lovers and even return to them. Women have also become professional now, and some earn more than their partners, which has its own challenges,” said Sithole.

The couple’s dedication to education has clearly influenced their three children: one daughter holds a PhD in Environmental Health, while another holds a PhD in computing and resides in Cape Town.