Escape is not a solution

Nhlalwenhle Ncube

IT is so sad that most people take the issue of suicide lightly and I realised that one only gets to feel its impact when it’s committed by someone close to her/him. It is so unfortunate that people far from the incident always rush to call whoever would have cut his life short ‘‘stupid’’. With such conclusions, we continue to lose a lot of people as they will be depressed and heartbroken, but never get enough support.

It is high time people take the issue of suicide as seriously as they treat cases of HIV and cancer pandemics. Hardly a week passes by without reading in the press about people who commit suicide and reasons vary from marital problems to economic challenges. One would have lost hope and they believe that escaping, leaving the bonds that bind them to other people is the only solution.

Truth be told, escape is not a solution no matter what you going through as all problems will be solved one day. The unfortunate part is that in all these issues of suicide, it is not only about the one who has departed, but those ones who were close to him/her are left devastated and it haunts them for a very long time. Pain mixed with guilt, anger and regret makes for a bitter drink, affecting them for months or even years.

The one question everyone has asked without exception, that they ache to have answered more than any other, is simply: why? Why did their friend, child, parent, spouse, or sibling take their own life? Even when a note explaining the reasons is found, lingering questions usually remain: yes, they felt enough despair to want to die, but why did they feel that? A person’s suicide often takes the people it leaves behind by surprise (only intensifying survivor’s guilt for failing to see it coming or stopping him/her.

Getting it from those who at one time attempted suicide, it is not like they wanted to die, but all they needed was to escape from a situation that seemed impossible to deal with or to deal with feelings of rejection, hurt or loss. Others might feel angry, ashamed, or guilty about something and the list is endless.

It is always ideal to try and help anyone close to you whenever he/she confides in you in order to have a clear conscious in case that person decides to commit suicide. Most people get through different problems; let that person know he is not the first one to have a heartbreak or problems as there is someone somewhere who survived a scenario which was more complicated than theirs. The truth is that we all feel overwhelmed by difficult emotions or situations sometimes. But most people get through it or can put their problems in perspective and find a way to carry on with determination and hope.

It is always wise to give each other a shoulder to lean on and convince anyone going through some challenges that regardless of their situation, things change over time. You may feel very bad today, but it won’t last forever. Remember this fact: Regardless of your current situation, everything changes over time as nothing remains the same forever.

There are always other options and committing suicide should never be included in the list of dealing with a problem. Whenever you are fearful, confused and not knowing, thinking there is no hope for you or person next to you, remember that no one can predict the future with 100 percent certainty. Even if something that you are afraid of does happen, you never know, it might be a blessing in disguise. If it is about a lost lover, you might find yourself in a relationship where you get to be happier than before.

No situation is hopeless, if you are suicidal, depressed or got someone in that position, loved ones like friends, relatives, counsellors and pastors are all good sources of help. They are all willing to help you and they can make a difference. Remember, every problem has a solution and one does not have to tackle the problem alone, but sharing with a trusted person is the way to go.

Escape will never be a solution, but it creates worse problems for those who care about you as they get to live with some guilt in their lives on why they never realised you were breaking down. Always remember to appreciate life as it is a gift from God and no problem is everlasting no matter how heartbroken one can be. Escape is not a permanent solution!

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