Every child needs a father in their life

Nolwazi Mnikwa

EVERY child needs their father. The role played by a father can never be replaced by anyone. The presence of a father is critical in the life of a child from when they are in their mother’s belly. The presence of a father is important in the development of a child. Today we will explore the reasons why children need their father’s presence in their lives.

A father is an important figure as he is a role model to his children. As a role model, a father helps promote good and socially acceptable behaviour in his children. This is the reason why children with fathers that are present and involved in their lives tend to have fewer behavioural problems, a high level of sociability and longer attention spans. Note I mentioned fathers that are present and involved, so what does it mean for a father to be involved in their children’s lives?

An involved father is one who plays an active role in their children’s lives. He is a father that loves his children, provides for his children, cares for his children, plays with his children, talks to his children, actively listens to his children as they tell stories of their everyday experiences, guides and advices his children and also teaches his children. He doesn’t leave his children to be taught by the “streets” or to learn lessons by chance, but he intentionally teaches his children valuable life lessons that help mould his children to be responsible, successful and empowered children in life.

There are fathers who somehow believe that providing material resources for their children or paying school fees for their children is all they have to do to “express” their involvement in their children’s lives, but that is not so. Additional to the physiological needs, a child has psychological needs and emotional needs. These psychological and emotional needs are inclusive of feelings of love and belonging, safety needs, esteem needs and needs of esteem and self-actualisation.

Children need the security they get when their father is present, they structure in their lives, the kind of structure that provides stability, and this they get when they live in a stable home with both parents present. 

It has been psychologically proven that adults who find themselves with criminal tendencies or with social adjustment problems lacked a father figure when they were younger. The absence of a father figure causes anxiety, depression, mistrust, fear of intimacy and people-pleasing behaviour in children, and these characteristics become a part of the child right into adulthood. Additionally due to the absence of a father, children may feel rejected and this has a negative effect on their confidence. As a result of the feeling of rejection, children may feel lonely, unwanted and this subconsciously causes feelings of confusion, low self-esteem, attachment challenges and struggles with coping mechanisms. For boys, the absence of a father may cause them to act out, lash out and fail at school and at work later on in life. In worst case scenarios, the absence of a father may cause boys to aspire to act, behave and live life like a female. This emanates from the anger and resentment that the boy child would have built up towards the males due to the rejection that the child would have felt owing to an absent father who would have either denied paternity of the child or simply chosen not to be involved in the child’s life. For a son, his relationship with his father is extremely important as it is through his father that he learns to be a man.

For a daughter, the absence of a father results in anxiety, depression, isolation, total avoidance of intimacy or sexual promiscuity. Sexual promiscuity is a worst case scenario that occurs as a result of the girl child seeking affirmation from men that she would perceive as father figures. Due to the feeling of rejection, the girl child will feel the need to please the men she encounters in whatever way tickles their fancy and some men take advantage of these vulnerable girls that are seeking a father figure in their lives. Another worst case scenario of a girl child hardly impacted by the lack of a father figure is that she may aspire to dress, act and behave like a man in a bid to conceal the hurt caused by the feeling of rejection or absenteeism by her father. Substance abuse is also a direct effect of the absence of a father in a child’s life.

When a father is involved in their child’s life right from the point when the child is in the mother’s womb, it helps boost the child’s intelligence, it helps make the child feel loved, it gives the child a role model and it also provides the child with a different perspective as the child will have both the perspective of his or her mother and father. It has been proven that children whose father was involved in their lives throughout the first year exhibit a higher performance on cognitive development assessments and also illustrate a high level of curiosity and exploration.

It is therefore important for fathers to be actively involved in their children’s lives, talking to their children, playing with them, being there for them, providing for them and teaching them valuable life lessons. It is not enough for a father to offer material support without emotional and psychological support. 

If you are an adolescent or adult who had an absent father growing up and you realise you are experiencing some of the negative effects caused by the absence of a father that are listed above, my encouragement to you would be to seek counselling so you are able to deal with the trauma and feelings of rejection that growing up without the presence of your father may have caused. 

I would love to hear your thoughts, comments and feedback as well as relationship topics you would like to have covered. You may send these to [email protected] or to +263775978857.

[email protected] safe and be blessed.