Online Reporter
Dear Tete Joyie:
I am a woman in my mid-30s, and my husband is in his early 40s. We met a little less than two years ago and haven’t left each other’s side since. We got married about a year ago. Needless to say, we both fell fast and hard for each other. When I met him, my whole world changed, and I look at the world in a completely different way. She makes me want to be a better person altogether. But we have a problem. My husband already had trust issues from a previous relationship in which he was betrayed. Well, several months ago, I broke his trust by talking to my ex on the phone. It was an innocent conversation, but I knew that it would upset my husband. I felt terrible and immediately admitted what I’d done, admitted that it was wrong and promised that it wouldn’t ever happen again.
Fast-forward four months and nothing seems to be enough for my husband. He continues to throw it in my face. Every time my phone makes a noise, he wants to look at it. There is not a day that goes by that he does not make a smart-aleck remark about my talking to my ex on the phone. I am truly lost because I love this man more than life itself and have never been happier. But I can’t continue to allow him to say the mean and hurtful things he’s been saying, and I can’t take the distance between us, and I can’t take any more of the barrages of questions. I love him and don’t want to ever face life without her, but the cruelty is breaking me down quickly. I don’t know what to do anymore.
Tete Joyie Says:
I can feel the pain and desperation in your words. It is heartbreaking to see your beautiful relationship tarnished by trust issues and hurtful behaviour. You have acknowledged your mistake, apologised, and promised not to repeat it. Now, it is essential to address your husband’s ongoing hurt and find a way to heal together.
Understanding his perspective:
1. His past betrayal has left emotional scars, making him more sensitive to potential threats.
2. Your conversation with your ex triggered his insecurities, and he may feel vulnerable.
Addressing the issue:
1. Open conversation: Have a calm, honest talk with your husband. Explain how his behaviour affects you and express your feelings.
2. Seek counselling: Consider couples therapy to work through trust issues, communication problems, and past traumas.
3. Rebuild trust: Focus on strengthening your bond through transparency, empathy, and consistency.
4. Set boundaries: Establish what you’re comfortable with regarding communication and boundaries.
5. Self-reflection: Encourage your husband to reflect on his feelings and actions, and explore ways to manage his insecurities.
Self-care:
1. Prioritise your emotional well-being.
2. Engage in activities that bring you joy.
3. Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist.
Considerations:
1. If your husband’s behaviour continues to be hurtful and toxic, it may be necessary to re-evaluate the relationship.
2. Your love and commitment are crucial, but your emotional safety matters equally.
Remember, relationships involve growth, challenges, and forgiveness. You’ve taken the first step by acknowledging your mistake. Now, work together to create a stronger, more empathetic bond.
If you are looking for advice on the tricky situation that you find yourself in, WhatsApp 0716069196, and Tete Joyie will assist you in solving the problem. Remember, all those who write in remain anonymous
