Facebook: The awkward part

 

user is no longer able to control an account due to circumstances beyond their control.

My good friend, author and former deputy editor of the Sunday Mirror, Stanley Ruzvidzo Mupfudza passed away some three years ago but every year, on January 8, Facebook friends forum reminds me and all his friends of his birthday.

All that Facebook does in an instances like this is to open healing wounds at least once every year. Insensitivity, as a direct consequence of greater user controls is only one of many uncomfortable parts of social networking.

WhoIsHostingThis, an internet research center found that the majority of Facebook’s one billion-plus users suffer from depression, envy and infidelity.

Related to fidelity, another study by Christopher Carpenter and Erin Spottswood at American Cornwell University found that the more past romantic relationships a user has the more interest they list on their Facebook profiles.

Many Facebook observers and analysts find that openly professing love for someone on social networking sites may sound like a good idea at first when a relationship is taking shape or when it is on a good run, but when things go sour, other people within the same online community tend to notice and sometimes even react insensitively.

Lovers tend to want to share how they feel for each other with all their friends on Facebook by telling each other how much love there is and posting pictures to ‘‘prove’’ that there is a strong connection between them. But nowadays, even married couples cannot guarantee that they are together for the long haul. The awkward question is: should one ‘unfriend’ another because of a break up?

Should one also ‘‘unfriend’ an ex’s close ones if the love that used to exist disappears? Retaining the status of ‘friends’ on Facebook with an ex does have its drawbacks.

If within a month or two an ex changes their relationship from ‘‘single’’ to ‘‘in a relationship with so and so’’, the development may hurt the former partner or worse still, prompt a ‘‘searching frenzy’’ by the single half of the former relationship that may spell disaster.

Ex-lovers also tend to pour their hearts out over the failed relationship on their timelines and if the other party is still able to see those comments, this may draw a response or a debate that has the potential of bring all the dirty linen out into the public domain.

If anything, people should not be discussing their love lives on public forum.
Telling people that ‘‘I am in a relationship’’ should really be what other people see.

In the United States, the MSN website, a collection of internet sites provided for the public by Miscosoft, says at least one third of divorce filings in 2011 contained the word ‘‘Facebook’.’

A survey of the country’s top divorce attorneys revealed that 81 percent of cases highlighted Facebook and other social networking sites as prime evidence in proceedings.

A relationship expert, Sheri Meyers says, “Facebook is a part of our lives, but we have to learn to fit it in so it doesn’t disrupt or relationships”.

Facebook addicts, people that can no longer do without the social network sites appear to carry the greatest risk of feeling or making others feel uncomfortable.

If one has the time and energy to post a comment like, “I have eaten sadza and beef for supper, how about you?”, then there is nothing unusual about them sharing bits about their love lives.

There is a now a sizable group of people that is living all of their lives on Facebook, performing ‘difficult’ tasks such as posting a comment they deem interesting, and checking the social networking site at regular intervals to see if anyone commented or liked the post.

Posting nasty comments on Facebook after a break-up is not uncommon, but the comments likely to hurt the feelings of the ex more than a face-to-face encounter because they are in the public domain.

Meyer says publicly commenting on a break-up may make one “feel like there is community attention. And although that feels very fulfilling, the price to be paid is perhaps hurting in other ways”.

Social networking is a path to a virtual world where friends, relatives and even strangers meet and discuss various aspects of life that any two or more people may have in common.

But just like in real life situations, there is no need for one to discuss every bit of their private life with everyone.

The reason for an inbox function is for people to select a specific group of ‘friends’ they can get personal with and communicate privately about things that may make distant friends uncomfortable.

Vulgar language, direct insults, hate speech or juicy relationship details clearly have no place on social networking sites.