malvernmugadzikwa
Tendai Rupapa in GWERU
ZIMBABWE is facing an unprecedented surge in divorce cases mainly fuelled by promiscuity, among other issues, with barely a day passing without reading disturbing reports of marriages collapsing.
This has prompted the mother of the nation, First Lady Dr Auxillia Mnangagwa, to launch the “Afrikana Family Humanisim” Programme in a bid to fight cases of infidelity among married men and women, which have become a widespread social ill, with women saying “shiri yabvuta rekeni” (the bird has taken over the catapult), meaning the tables have turned and it was now their turn to revenge and cheat on their husbands for various reasons.
This is tearing families apart and, in some cases, leading to death, hence exposing children to drug and substance abuse, among other vices.
Only two weeks ago, the country woke up to reports of a man who knifed his wife and child to death on suspicion that his partner was cheating on him.
Amai Mnangagwa’s toll-free line, 575, to fight gender-based violence is always inundated with calls of couples ill-treating one another due to various reasons, which include infidelity, lack of respect, conjugal rights and lack of communication in the home.
Also, during the First Lady’s travels countrywide, men and women were trading accusations, while during her Nhanga/Gota/Ixhiba sessions, children brought to the fore a lot of issues against their parents, which have an impact on their lives, hence her decision to confront the challenge head-on.
Traditional leaders’ courts are also awash with reports of married men and women who are fined for cheating, leaving everyone pondering as to whether a solution to such untoward behaviour could be found soon.
It is because of the above-mentioned cases and driven by a desire to foster morally upright families and curb a disturbing surge in divorce cases that Dr Mnangagwa on Friday launched the “Afrikana Family Humanism” Programme at an oversubscribed ceremony that drew thousands of participants from all districts in the Midlands province.
Many couples turned up for the emphatic launch, resulting in others having to follow proceedings from an overflow area.
The mother of the nation, herself firmly grounded in African traditional values, held an interactive session with the community, where she tackled issues of cheating, drug abuse, abuse of social media and general disrespect among couples, which she said needed to be nipped in the bud to build a productive society.
A wide array of speakers, from traditional chiefs to religious leaders, Government ministers and media gurus, were in attendance at the launch of the educative programme, which shall be taken to all provinces countrywide.
In her quest to find tangible solutions to issues affecting families, Amai Mnangagwa separated men from women for initial discussions before addressing the combined group later.
She expressed dismay that couples nowadays seemed to find solace in cheating and revenge cheating, ills that often led children of the warring parties to find solace in drug and substance abuse.
Married women were in fact digging in, saying they would not stop cheating until men reform because they felt they had been taken advantage of for a long time.
The women also said it was high time men fasted for their marriages to remain intact, just as women do.
“Amai, shiri yakabvuta rekeni, zvakuvava nekuti zvava sauti. Pavanozviita ivo zvinotapira; tsvimbo hatisi kudzora kusvika vati eke. Varume vedu ngavanamatirewo nekutsanyira dzimba dzavo,” said one of the women.
The latest programme, Dr Mnangagwa said, was born out of her interactions with children countrywide, who openly said they lacked parental guidance.
“The issue here concerns us as parents, especially us women. Where has this come from? I have a national gender-based violence (GBV) toll-free number, 575. This is where countless issues have arisen concerning humankind and how we live. On this toll-free line, people phone, saying that which would have affected them or something whose remedy they do not have.
“The letters that have come to my office are also innumerable. I then sat down to analyse how I could handle issues that are coming through to the national GBV number 575 and the letters. We must put these together and see the challenge that is at hand. I then discovered there is an issue that is affecting men and women, a husband and his wife, the two who got married, and we do not know where they met, and I think everything also depends on how couples met.
“I then said when issues have come to this, we are moving around speaking out about drug abuse among children and the children said they were now prepared to be beaten because their naughtiness had become worse. They then said after counselling us, proceed to our homes and see our parents. The children said they no longer have anyone who monitors how they live and their movements back home,” she said.
“Vanamai, you are the ones being referred to by the children. I asked as to what the problem was and the children said the father is going in one direction and mother in the other. They added that parents are coming back home while drunk. The mother is said to be coming much later than expected of a mother in the household to see as to what can be cooked. They accused parents of having extramarital affairs and always fighting. We must not do that because the children are watching what we are doing. When they call on 575, the woman is saying I will do what I will do because I have kept quiet for long but I will not leave my husband. I will do that under his roof. I now want to revenge; it is now my time to revenge. But how do you revenge? What will you do?
“This is what I have come to hear as to what that revenge means, looking at the fact that you are a wife and husband in the household. When a man leaves the home, you are revenging which way? Where will you stand and how about your reputation as a woman? How will we see one another and how will the nation look at us as mothers? Let us discuss, madzimai.”
Herald editor Victoria Ruzvidzo touched on the good and bad side of social media.
She paid tribute to the First Lady for her life teachings.
“Amai, you are teaching us about life, and as women, we are learning a lot that helps as we live as families. I have specifically come to talk about social media. As women, are we on social media?” she asked, and the women responded saying they were on TikTok, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, WhatsApp and so on.
“But there are some women who are abusing social media. As media people, we are seeing homes collapsing because of social media. We see women uploading videos of themselves performing lewd dances in skimpy apparel. Is this a good thing to do as a married woman.”
The First Lady weighed in: “What are you doing on social media, madzimai?”
A respondent said indeed women were destroying their own homes on social media.
“Truly, what we are doing, especially on TikTok, is destroying our homes on our own. We are spending more time there, connecting with our former lovers because you will be bored at home and looking for happiness outside,” she said.
Another woman retorted: “On social media, we come across our spouses spending quality time with their girlfriends who will be wearing bum shorts, yet if I wear a miniskirt in the home, I am branded a person of loose morals. They make us wear long clothes, yet out there they will be looking for that, so we will also wear skimpy outfits because that is what they want, kana ndikazonyengwawo ndikoko.”
Yet another woman said women must admit that they were cheating.
“Let us admit . . . we are revenge cheating. We have cried enough and our tears have dried. Revenging is the solution; they should have a taste of their own medicine. The bird has taken over the catapult. Men are irked that we have wisened up, yet we would just cry at home as they cheated on us. We are no longer crying and we are doing as we please,” she said to applause.
A further contributor said social media had its good side and bad side.
“Long back, there was no cheating but that is where we now find happiness. We do not divorce them as our husbands, but we just do as we please in their presence. Forbidden fruit is sweetest and when caught, we start from there,” she said.
The First Lady asked what it was that had made women belligerent.
In response, the women said men were cheating and ended up being put under spells by their lovers that make them unable to perform when they return home.
A woman shared her tale.
“Amai, my husband married another woman and started neglecting me to the point that I started cheating. He took our household furniture and gave it to his mistress. They hate sharing yet they are the top cheats,” she said.
One woman admitted to cheating on her husband.
“I revenged on my husband who was promiscuous. I said to myself, I am beautiful and I am admired by men, so why not? I then met a ‘dude’ and we started playing the game. I was later caught and my marriage collapsed, yet when the husband cheated, I never divorced him. As I am, I will not fail to find another man,” she said.
Another contributor spoke of the ordeal of being cheated on.
“Men are stressing us in the homes. In my case, I passed in school but he won’t let me go to work. Men only want to see us under them, yet I can go to work. I later took the matter into my hands and I am going to work, and my marriage is now on the rocks,” she said.
One woman burst into tears as she shared her sob story with the First Lady.
“My husband goes to my relatives to tell on me. I only discovered after 28 years in marriage that I was the only one in love with him and life is so hard that I do not know where to start. My children do not respect me and I can’t do anything. If I get a job, my husband follows to get me fired and he is always spying on me,” she said.
The women accused their husbands of neglecting and disrespecting them, and not providing for the family.
Evangelist Nelly Gwatidzo said the First Lady was spending sleepless nights in search of solutions to challenges affecting people.
“Our mother has no rest because of our households. She receives complaints daily from both men and women. I think this stems from how you met and where you met. When you enter the institution of marriage, you will be having expectations, only to realise that your partner never says, ‘I love you’. As a woman, you will be looking forward to a jet-set love affair. If you demand to be told that I love you, you are reminded that the mere fact that you are living under the same roof as him means you are loved. But why not tell your partner the sweet words? Amai is asking whether there is love and communication in the home.
“She is saying how are you living in the homes? She said through her toll-free line 575, men are complaining that they are being denied conjugal rights and that women are speaking ill against them to friends and relatives to an extent of discussing bedroom issues. Our mother’s wish is for us to live in love and peace. She is saying two wrongs do not make a right. If a man starts shouting, keep your cool and appreciate that a woman must be a peacemaker and a teacher,” she said.
Chaplain Christine Phiri, from the Zimbabwe Prisons and Correctional Service, implored women to be content with what they have.
“In the homes, Amai, women are not satisfied. We are not contented. Be content with what you have. The short one is yours. If you want a six pack, wake up early and run with him, asking him to build muscles. Mould the man that you want. When we get into marriages, it is common that there are some family members who do not love you at all. For those who elope, there is someone who was loved in that homestead. There is someone who is always on the lips of the mother-in-law that had my son married so and so. But our mother is saying even if that was the case, shall we then leave marriage? Our mother is saying where did you get the spirit of always having packed bags. Our mother wants to mould women that say, ‘My husband, I will never leave this home unless you make me swallow my kids’,”she said before bursting into the song “This Time” by Josphat Somanje.
Evangelist Gwatidzo said marriage is not all rosy.
“There are times when couples just do not get along well. But if we fail to agree on certain things, what do we do? Is there communication in the home? Musatukana mudzimba; words cannot be erased. Our mother has taken it upon herself to come and talk to her own children so as to build homes,” she said.
Media personality Ms Merit Munzwembiri also took time to interact and share her thoughts with the women.
In her closing remarks with women, Dr Mnangagwa said cheating was never a solution.
“There is an inherent pain in this because you did not come knowing that you will cheat one day. You have been taught about various situations and I stood as a mother and said cheating is not a solution and that two wrongs don’t make a right. We need to find a common ground,” she said.
Men, on their hand, agreed with much of the views, saying it was essential to have good communication and apologise whenever one was wrong.
Money, the men agreed, was not enough as women needed to be loved and given attention.
Chiefs hammered on the need to observe culture and return to basics to ensure marriages stood the test of time.
“Today’s generation is falling victim of global influences, which are destroying the observance of our cultural norms and values. We need to go back to the old ways of living, which have respect for Ubuntu. Phones have destroyed homes and marriages. They have security pins where some contacts are hidden to cover promiscuity. Women these days respect money than marriage and love,” the traditional chiefs observed.
For the younger generation to build stronger marriages, it was recommended that they fully embrace programmes like the one introduced by the First Lady and keep their communication lines with their spouses sound.
Pastor Movern Venge said people needed to appreciate that marriages were different, and each situation had its own particular solution.
“For me to be respected by my wife, it’s not about conjugal rights, it is also about understanding those things she enjoys most. The use of drugs by youths is destroying marriages of young couples. We are valuing intoxicating substances, leading to problems in our marriages. We were once encouraged to marry from within the same communities as a way of avoiding challenges associated with taking someone with a totally different belief system in marriage to avoid future problems,” he said.
Officer commanding Gweru Urban Chief Superintendent Enock Chishiri said they had a mandate to promote peace at all times.
“Our work as law enforcers is to make sure that law is respected and peace is maintained. My advice is to abide by all the laws in this land. The Domestic Violence Act doesn’t look whether you are a woman or a man; these days men are crying more than women on domestic violence matters. We advise people to respect love beyond anything,” he said.
Pastor Innocent Chikona of Gokwe North said challenges among most married people revolved around managing finances and sharing resources.
In her combined address, the First Lady said couples must observe peace in the home and live in harmony.
“Today I have come with the aim of sitting down as families and hear the challenges that are inhibiting men and women from staying peacefully in the home. On toll free 575, I am receiving calls saying love is no longer binding and each one is doing as they please. As mothers, we are pained. Women are saying we were married as dignified people but we were converted by our husbands because there is no peace at home. I have come to discuss with you as we launch this programme here in the Midlands province.
“As I am travelling with the Gota/Nhanga/Ixhiba Programme, children are complaining that their parents are not spending time with them and they are drinking beer and never at home. Children are attending vuzu parties because their parents are always at parties. That is why I have come as a mother to discuss that in our tradition how do we live and dress. Women laid bare their concerns and men did the same and it’s time we put these together and correct one another as we live in peace, love and harmony,” she said.
Representing men, Pastor Venge said it was essential for couples to respect one another.
“Understand your partner. Secondly, let’s be responsible. You are the one who loved her, so look after her. She is your wife, respect her. For a marriage to sustain, it’s because of two people. If we have children, we do not trade insults before the children. The other issue is that of drugs; drugs do not give you courage; instead, they land you in crime. Marriage is not about competition,” he said.
Mrs Patricia Sigauke, who was representing women, sang praises to the mother of the nation for her well-thought-out programme.
“According to what we have been taught by Amai, please accord us our rights. We beg to be respected and to be protected. Understand and appreciate me when I make contributions in the home. Communication is essential and love does not start in the bedroom. Love starts when you are at work as I will be cooking for you and when you send me a message that I miss you, it makes me feel whole. Please, our husbands, give us love. Love and respect are critical. Even if I err, please take me aside and advise me with respect,” she said.
Minister of State for Midlands Provincial Affairs and Devolution Cde Owen Ncube commended Amai Mnangagwa for the programme, which he said is key in promoting values of family and community cohesion.
“We are proud as a province to host this important inaugural programme, Afrikana Family Humanism, which complements the First Lady’s other programmes that promote value systems of love, peace, hard work, family and community cohesion,” he said.
In closing, Chief Bunina Chisadza discussed the effects of social media and praised the First Lady for her programme.
“We have learnt through this programme that since we are living in the era of smartphones, as husbands, we should frequently put our wives on our statuses. We know this is what you want. Amai, I am so pleased that you address issues of the heart. Whenever you come conducting programmes like this one, you address issues of the heart. You really get to the heart of the individual and with that, you are building families, you are building homes. We appreciate that. I saw men, I saw women, I saw young children who are still in school, I saw them all happy today and that made me very happy as a chief. In English, they say a problem shared is half solved.
“I saw women who spoke and you know women speak but men also spoke of their concerns because they usually keep quiet with these issues and they do not have platforms to speak out, but with such programmes, I know there is some form of error correction that comes,” he said to applause.
“We often see men dying of heart attacks; it is because they are ashamed to say out certain things, but such programmes that are brought by our mother, I can see the joy they are having, even in their hearts. I was happy. I can see through their hearts that they are free. That dialogue is important. We encourage that. Let such programmes cascade down, even to village level, coming from our mother.”
Online Reporter