Online Reporter
Laina Makuzha-LOVE by DESIGN
I HOPE all families had a wonderful Mother’s Day celebration last Sunday, honouring mother figures in our lives and society.
This week we are getting a little up close and personal to look at friendship, loneliness and some ways to win in the midst of life’s challenges.
Relationships are constantly put to the test in these perilous times, some are under fire and just hanging by a thread as we speak. However, a strong foundation of friendship can be the glue that holds couples together, when the going gets tough. But what happens when loneliness creeps into a marriage or relationship, despite having a partner and due to a myriad of factors?
While watching the film: “Meet The Khumalos”, a young couple had a conversation to this effect when their relationship had just survived the brink of collapse due to external influences(their mothers — I rest my case!):
“Nothing feels right without you . . . ” the girl said to her boyfriend who was almost an “ex” by then, as they worked on restoring their relationship. Though it was just a movie, the way she expressed it reminded me how true love is beautiful and sweet and that it still exists!
The guy looked in her eyes and said : “I completely and utterly love you.” Though their young love had been tested to almost breaking point, one could tell the two were good friends who knew each other well first and foremost. It helped them work through their differences and salvage a relationship that had been doomed to fail. Feelings of loneliness and inadequacy were soon dissolved in the bond they already had of friendship, which helped them both find their way back to where their love could blossom again. This got me thinking: how many couples in real life, value and practise expressing themselves genuinely to their partner and are willing to fight for their love? How many are still such good friends who enjoy each other’s company and approach challenges together?
I’m talking about teaming up to solve their challenges instead of approaching challenges individually or as enemies. If you have someone in your life, do you enjoy talking to them? Can you open up about your feelings to them and feel safe? Is your partner safe opening up to you? Do you have stories and experiences to share with them and have some activities you enjoy together?
I ask because I have come across one too many wonderful married folks who have been robbed of the joy of marriage and have lamented — not in so many words — that they are lonely yet married or in a relationship.
What is happening? Why is there so much loneliness in relationships and marriages? Could it be you are failing to see or appreciate the blessing that is right in front of you,in the form of your spouse? Could it be they are not seeing you, not appreciating you for who you are? Either way, pointing fingers is hardly a solution.
Loneliness itself is a complex and multifaceted issue that can affect anyone, regardless of their relationship status. In the context of romantic relationships, loneliness can manifest as a feeling of disconnection, isolation, or emotional unavailability. It is essential to recognise that loneliness is not solely the absence of a partner, but rather the absence of meaningful connection and interaction.
I researched causes of loneliness in relationships, and picked these few factors:
Busy schedules and prioritisation of other aspects of life
Unresolved conflicts and resentments
Lack of communication and emotional intimacy
Different love languages and unmet emotional needs
Lack of shared activities and interests
Here are some signs of loneliness in couples:
Never spending quality time
Feeling disconnected and isolated from each other
Lack of meaningful conversations and emotional intimacy
Decreased physical affection and intimacy
Feeling like they are shouldering the burden of the relationship alone
Lack of shared activities and interests
Suggestions to overcome loneliness involve doing the opposite of what is causing it in the first place, including:
Engaging in shared activities and hobbies, or try take an interest in a hobby or activity your partner likes.
Making an effort to understand and speak each other’s love languages, which we have extensively covered in several articles in the past.(Links are available on request, to anyone who missed those previous articles).
Addressing unresolved conflicts and resentments
The importance of friendship in relationships
Friendship is a vital component of any successful relationship. When couples are friends, though not guaranteed, they are more likely to:
Share common interests and activities
Communicate effectively and resolve conflicts in a healthy manner
Support and encourage each other
Feel connected and intimate on a deeper level
Relationship experts say friendship is a crucial aspect of romantic relationships. As Dr John Gottman notes, “The most successful relationships are those in which the couple has a strong foundation of friendship.” Similarly, Dr Sue Johnson emphasises the importance of emotional connection and intimacy in relationships. In her book, “Hold Me Tight,” she writes, “When we feel securely attached to our partner, we are more open, more resilient, and more loving.”
The Bible also emphasises importance of emotional connection and intimacy in relationships. 1 Corinthians 7:3-5, it is written, “The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. And the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer.”
If you are experiencing loneliness in your relationship and needing counsel or more information,please reach out. You are not alone.
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