Online Reporter
DEAR Tete Joyie:
I am a young man aged 25. I dated this other girl for about two years before we broke up. I was so much in love with her, and I perceived that she did love me back equally too.
She had a fallout with her best friend back then who in turn of whatever she claimed my girlfriend did to her decided to tell me how my girlfriend was cheating on me behind my back.
After I heard that I just ghosted her to try and appease my pain.
A year and a half later, the best friend resurfaced, gave me my ex’s numbers and I hit her up for another chance at love. I was serious about my proposal regardless of how she cheated on me as her best friend had revealed.
She refused, saying I ghosted her and that she needed explanations. I did explain and she denied her best friend’s cheating accusations of her.
I explained and told her I needed her back, but she told me she had moved on.
But then, she was still considering me since she claimed she did not like her current boyfriend’s behaviour, and that he was controlling.
So I asked her to follow her heart after all since I was now blaming myself for our fallout.
I thought by that I would find peace with myself since she claimed I had broken her heart by ghosting.
So, I gave her some couple of weeks or more to weigh on the options. I then asked about her choice and she told me to stay out of her life.
I was confused and pained at the same time, but I listened. I just maintained a distance.
A month later, I reacted on one of her posts and she started apologising for her previous behaviour, saying she regrets saying what she said, and that she had broken up with her boyfriend.
Now I don’t know what to do, could she be ready for marriage.
***************
Tete Joyie Says:
Thank you for opening up so vulnerably.
What you have been through is emotionally layered love, betrayal, regret, hope, and now uncertainty. Let us unpack this gently and honestly.
What you have experienced:
Deep emotional investment: You loved her sincerely, and your pain after hearing about the alleged cheating was real.
Ghosting as a coping mechanism: You did not confront her, you disappeared, which left her confused and hurt.
Reconnection attempt: You reached out again, willing to forgive and rebuild, which shows maturity and emotional growth.
Mixed signals: She said she had moved on, then hinted at dissatisfaction with her current relationship, then rejected you, then apologised.
Is she being genuine now?
It is possible. People evolve, and sometimes they only realise what they have lost after time and reflection. Her apology and breakup with her boyfriend might be sincere. But sincerity does not always mean readiness or compatibility.
Here are a few things to consider:
Signs she might be genuine
Signs to be cautious of
She apologised without being prompted
She previously rejected you firmly
She broke up with her boyfriend
She may be emotionally vulnerable or rebounding
She expressed regret
Her actions have been inconsistent
What you can do now
If you are truly ready for marriage, then your next steps should be guided by clarity, not confusion.
Here is a gentle roadmap:
1. Have a calm, honest conversation
Ask her what she truly wants not just in the moment, but for the future. Is she open to rebuilding trust and starting fresh?
2. Set emotional boundaries
Don’t let guilty or nostalgia cloud your judgment. You deserve a relationship built on mutual respect, not emotional whiplash.
3. Observe her actions, not just words Apologies are meaningful, but consistency is key. Is she showing up for you emotionally and mentally?
4. Reflect on your own needs
You are ready for marriage. Is she? And if not, are you willing to wait or walk away?
Final thought
Love is not just about history; it is about direction. If you both want the same future and are willing to heal the past together, there is hope. But if she is still unsure, you owe it to yourself to protect your peace and pursue a love that is steady, not stormy.
If you are looking for advice on the tricky situation that you find yourself in, WhatsApp 0716069196, and Tete Joyie will assist you in solving the problem. Remember, all those who write in remain anonymous.
