Getting strength from being with peers

Fadzayi Maposah Correspondent

Some nights when I think I am ready to settle for the night, I just feel that I have to check if I have locked the doors.

I get up and check, the doors are all locked.

Then I ask myself, have I properly closed the refrigerator door?

The perishables will be seriously affected by an open door.

Then I trek to the kitchen. Lights on, check the refrigerator door. It is properly shut.

Since I will be in the kitchen, I then check if the stove has really been switched off. I move to the stove.

Even go further to check if the cooker switch is also off. Then to the tap . . .

You know each night the routine is basically the same.

Then I walk back to the bedroom, more tired than when I left.

The locking up routine is like an industrial annual shutdown; the only difference is that I do not submit reports to anybody.

But it is some hectic exercise and each night I tell myself that the next night will be easier but that has not yet happened. I just seem to think that I have forgotten something….

I consider Sundays to be my relaxing days. I make sure that by midday I have finished all my chores.

The rest of the day after my brunch is devoted to resting, reading, listening to good old school music and the occasional nap of course.

This Sunday I started reading and when I had read about five pages, I decided that I wanted to check on someone by sending them an SMS. I looked around me and did not see my phone. I went to the bedroom, no phone.

I went to the kitchen, no phone on the table, it was neither by the sink, nor on top of any of the appliances.

I walked to the bathroom and there was no phone.

It was in the bathroom that I noticed some things in a bucket needed to be taken out to dry.

I got the pegs went outside and put the mini laundry on the washing line. I picked up the hoe that I had earlier used in the garden and put it away in its rightful place.

When I got back into the house, I realised that I had not put away the laundry.

So I then started folding and putting the laundry in the basket.

As I did that I was asking myself what I had been doing before I went outside. I could not remember.

Then it clicked, I had been looking for my mobile phone.

Folding and packing of the laundry immediately stopped and the search began again.

I looked everywhere and when I say everywhere, I mean everywhere and the evidence that I had looked was visible.

Some things were off their usual shelves. Creating more work, more unplanned work. Still no phone.

I was tired, bored stiff, moody and very close to tears.

I was beating myself up, how does a whole grown, mature woman lose a mobile phone at home?

If I was out in town I would be at risk of having it stolen but at home, it was a big no. Equally frustrating was that this happens almost all the time.

When I am with others I ask them to call my number and then like people on a treasure hunt, there is a dashing all over the place.

There is such a dash because such calls are there when people have ” competing activities” which could be watching television, simply relaxing or whatever.

So those being “asked ” to assist just want it over and done with. Now this Sunday I was alone. I have one mobile phone so I could not call my number to identify where the phone was.

I just told myself that since the phone was not on silent I would find it when someone called.

As it seemed no one was in the mood to talk to me, my phone did not ring in more than two hours.

When it did ring, it was someone who had missed the actual number that he wanted to call.

That day, I was so happy that someone had called me by mistake!

So you may be asking where exactly the phone was. The phone was on the stool covered by a book that I had thought of reading initially.

Being forgetful is becoming part of my life and I am doing my best to manage it.

I joined a support group.

The link was shared on social media on one of the What’s App groups that I am in.

By the time I joined there were over 150 members.

It is a support group for women who have reached or are approaching menopause.

That group is wonderful support for the changes that accompany menopause.

One issue that is affecting the majority of the group members is forgetfulness. What I especially like about the group members is their honesty when discussing issues. Although I have a tendency to forget and misplace things I am at the initial stages if what is shared in the group is anything to go by! My peers are forgetful and being in the group is great support and assurance that we are going through something that is normal.

Knowing that one is not going crazy is so refreshing!

There are also tips on how to ensure that the forgetfulness is managed. If you see a mature woman busy with crossword puzzles, smile and encourage her. She could be exercising her brain to wade off forgetfulness.

Eating well is also another way. Suggested foods include beetroots and cutting on sugar intake. Exercise and meditation have also been recommended. The shared stories are a source of humour. Laughter is great medicine.

If you look for spectacles while you are wearing them, blame it on the depleting hormones and remember that you are not alone. You can always draw strength from peers going through the same.