Ghetto Blast: Why I wish I were an island

anti-social, but most things attached to Christmas are not without a cost to the pocket.
This is the truth and nowhere near fiction.
And the way some people spend their money! God forbid! It’s as if they harvest it from a field somewhere. Vanocheka bazi ravagere nemanyemwe.
“Ndionekwe akarapadza musha waHandibviri,” my witty grandmother always told this writer to in his youth. And that statement rings true to this day. The more you want your presence felt, the leaner your pocket gets.
The less you spend, the healthier your pocket remains. Ndiyo nyaya yacho chete.
If merrymaking associated with yearend was a ship, I am sure I would ask the coxswain to allow me out before it gets into cruise. If it were a kombi, I would simply ask traffic cops to flag it down and make good my escape. If it were a dream, I would sit up and never fall into sleep. Doro haridhake asinganwe.
We shall remain hewers of wood and drawers of water if we change not the way we relate to cash.
Most of us spend to make cash disappear, kunge muchero wemakudo unodyirwa kupedza.
Most firms are now on their annual shutdowns, giving workers a three-week break to visit friends and relatives. And these workers are very liquid. What after being handed their 13th cheques and December salaries? As I commit pen to paper gentle reader, people are cracking shoe soles dancing the night away in pubs across the country. Even strangers are being treated to copious amounts of food and drink in a brotherly atmosphere associated with Christmas.
Children are waiting for new apparel and to tuck mercilessly into platefuls of food prepared for them.
Housewives know fully well that this is the time to get the fridge repaired and have those shattered bedroom windowpanes replaced.
Food vendors are also battling to recover mari yematumbu nemusoro wenguruve wakakweretwa kare.
The weight of meat is forcing braai stands to collapse in the ghettos as people celebrate the end to an otherwise rewarding year. Some bottle stores are reportedly running out of ciders and lagers because demand has shot up. Quite critical is the situation at growth points in rural areas. Almost everyone is making a pilgrimage there to show off that new car and how their lives have improved. All the boys are back from town and battling to prove their financial stamina by drowning their kinsmen in beer.
This is the time when even fathers-in-law are assaulted and appeased with cash payments.
“Siyai timubete sabhuku uyu. Hapana zvinombotinetsa nekuti tinobva tangomuripa chiriporipotyo,” your hear people saying oblivious to the fact that they will be committing their scarce cash to trivialities.
Some dubious fellows are paying to plant kisses on the cheeks of women of their dreams.
“Ndikisewo ndikupe US$20,” you hear people saying in the townships. If verandahs at rural shops could complain, I am sure this is the time they would complain even to God that they are growing tired of being trampled on by people dancing to all types of music in the name of happiness.
Purezha yadirwa sugar hama dzangu.
Rural girls are also enjoying. This is the time when people buy them different types of kokora nedzimwe dzegirini just to show off. Mahwani gumbo rehowa.
ATMs, those machines which dispense cash, have become the darlings of most guzzlers as they hop from one joint to the other in search of the most fulfilling place to relax body and soul. Ladies of loose morals are not to be outdone. They have beefed up their wardrobes with eye-provoking costumes and sweet perfume to cash in on Christmas.
Men of the cloth are also at their best. They are delivering sermons which draw people closer to Jehovah’s kingdom, but the equation will not be complete without these people wringing cash from parishioners.
Self-styled prophets are telling people what they want to hear and demand cash to “unlock” more blessings. In-laws are also doing all they can to get groceries and outstanding lobola from men who took the hands of their daughters in marriage.
Some chiefs are fining people beasts for even petty crimes to ensure they have something on the table come tomorrow. So engrossed in the festive mood are many people that a good number of them are not thinking properly.
A good number of blokes are not going back home. They are moving from one hotel from the other like flying ants drawn by lights. Vari kungomberereka-mberereka kunge inda dziri mubaravara.
Others are busy taking groceries from their shops and splashing them on women they intend to impress and perhaps win their love. If you are a lady, I mean one worth her salt, it is not unusual during his time of the year to go clubbing – all expenses paid for by strangers. Life is very funny when one draws a parallel between the way people sweat to get money and how easily they spend it. Igombototo nemashura ezviratidzo.
However, what most people forget is that Christmas is one day. Granted, it is special, but why sow the seeds for your destruction by not planning for the future?
What sense does it make to shrink what you have worked for all-year-round into a meal for one day?
Not all faces that are smiling at us as we dance the night away in pubs today will be doing the same when our spending power dwindles resulting in our hands growing shorter and the pockets deeper.
Purezha yadirwa sugar, but is it going to be like that all the time? Some people who bade farewell behind steering wheels when their firms close last week will be missing when the same firms reopen next week.
Others will be without their cars after parking them at high speed in the backs of other cars or on tree tops.
Some will be without their wives because of speeding while others will be nursing all manner of wounds in hospitals. Accidents that are occurring owing to unbridled merrymaking this festive season will cost other people their jobs. Some will cost even friendships and it bids on everyone to be responsible.
Not all those who splash their cash on women of easy virtue will end the Christmas period with the dreaded HIV/Aids and we all need to be extra careful.
A week from now, children will be seeking fees and uniforms for the new school term and will we manage to keep our heads above the water when the time comes. January disease will strike, as it usually does, and will we be able to gain something from the beerhalls where we committed our resources.
It is better to suffer for one day and enjoy the rest of your life than to enjoy for one day and suffer for the rest of your life.
Wish you a happy and blessed Christmas.