malvernmugadzikwa
Mudzimba
Dr Rebecca Chisamba
THE past year has been characterised by a series of both heartbreaking and fascinating tales. For those who were unfortunate, the start of 2025 might offer a valuable platform to reorganise their lives. Mistakes are an inevitable part of the human experience and we should always strive to learn from them to ensure a better future. This week, we republish some 2024 letters which addressed issues that resonate with many individuals in diverse spheres of life.
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I am a businessman aged 26. I did a project that gave me a financial windfall. Friends and family call me the “Big Boss” or “Mr Money”. I only managed to obtain four Ordinary Level passes, but life is good for me.
I was madly in love with a woman who studied for a master’s degree at a local university for one-and-a-half years.
This woman was very demanding, but I never complained.
I made sure I gave her whatever she asked for. I even bought her a small car because I did not want her to use public transport. She went to visit her sister in Australia, and I did a lot before she left. Last week, she called me, telling me it was over and she is not coming back anytime soon. Amai, how do I recover my money and the many gifts I bought her? I am very angry.
Response
I know how you feel; unfortunately, there is not much that you can do. You are crying over spilled milk. When you gift someone money or a material possession, you cannot expect to have it back. You say she demanded those gifts from you but it was still your choice to give in. You cannot buy love. Let this experience serve as a learning curve. She has moved on. For her, it is out of sight, out of mind. I suggest you do likewise. Take your time to settle down and then map the way forward. I wish you all the best.
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Am I being taken for a ride?
I follow your column weekly. I am a young woman aged 19 and madly in love with a 21-year-old guy. The problem is he is now dating another lady in the same neighbourhood. I confronted him about this and he did not deny it. He said I should not worry because he loves me more.
When I see him with this girl, he ignores me, then calls me later, explaining why he could not even greet me.
He has even gone further by putting this woman’s picture as a wallpaper on his phone. I am heartbroken but he loves me more. What should I do?
Response
Thank you for supporting this platform. As always, my goal is to enrich all those who read and learn from the topics I discuss weekly. Wake up and smell the coffee. Your youth is showing because you are being willingly led astray.
What proof do you have that he loves you more? Moreover, he cannot date another person without your approval or consent. That is not what a committed relationship is based on.
The primary purpose of dating is to build a foundation and isolate red flags. This man is not loyal, and he has no respect for you. Disengage from this situation while you can still walk away. Take it easy and be more discerning when it comes to the men you give your time. I would be happy to hear from you again.
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Hubby withheld the truth from me
Dear Amai, I hope I find you well. I am aged 37 and my husband is 39. We are blessed with two wonderful children. My husband and I are both secondary school teachers, so we have a lot in common. We are based in a town outside Harare.
My husband gets on well with a lot of people in our small community. A fortnight ago, he came back home from a beer-drinking spree with a swollen lip and two missing teeth. The story he told me did not make sense at all but I had no choice but to accept it and help him get better.
A few days ago, I learnt through the grapevine that he got himself involved with one of the ladies of the night and a fierce fight finally broke out.
I know the lady. Amai, do you think it is wise for me to go and confront her? Hospital bills are expensive and I cannot take it anymore.
Response
I am very well and thanks for inquiring. Your letter made my reading very sad. The lifestyle of a teacher should be exemplary. He is supposed to be a role model to learners and the community at large.
It is very demeaning for a man of his stature to fight over another lady when he is married.
You got your account from the grapevine, and I wonder how accurate it is. It is not the most credible source.
Please do not confront this lady; you will end up in trouble. If the grapevine is telling the truth, then your husband’s injuries are just as good as self-inflicted.
When your husband has fully healed, I suggest you go for professional counselling.
This will give him a chance to open up and maybe tell the truth about what really happened. Last but not least, continue to take good care of him; two wrongs do not make a right. I would be happy to hear from you again.
Feedback: beckychisamba @gmail.com
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