adminFredrick Qaphelani Mabikwa Successful Solutions
In my previous article I shared with you the importance of the unique professional — the teacher, who in the recent past has been receiving the raw end of the stick. I highlighted how difficult this job is and I emphasised the need to respect these professionals. In this article I want to highlight areas I have observed as conflict areas between the school and the parents and also the parents and the teachers on one hand.
First I want to consider the teacher-parent relationship when children are having learning difficulties. There are some of us parents who think that when our child is not doing well at school it is the teacher’s fault. As parents we must accept that some of our children are naturally not gifted in certain areas. When the teacher tells you that your child cannot do certain things or grasp certain concepts, do not nicodemously go to the headmaster/mistress and say the teacher is failing to teach so you want your child moved to another class. This is common at primary school level. The teacher spends the whole day with your child and knows better than you in as far your child’s intellectual capacity is concerned.
Let us learn to discuss the child’s performance with the teacher and get the teacher’s opinion and solution to the problem. I briefly headed a private school in my sojourn in my teaching profession. There was this parent whose child was well beyond the scope of the grade they were in. The child’s teacher had recommended that the child repeats the grade. The father of the child refused saying his child was intelligent. He said the child could open the car windows, start the car and look at himself in the rear view mirror. This is exactly what should not be done. Do not argue with the teacher when it comes to your child’s performance but instead you should respect the teacher’s opinion.
There are certain times when the teacher is indeed failing to deliver. This is not common though. This is a very tricky situation but I can give a few hints from personal experiences. When you have concluded beyond doubt that it is a teacher problem and there are areas the teacher can improve, do not approach the teacher alone.Liase with other parents and get to know their side of the story about the teacher.
If you get more than three parents agreeing, then you can approach the teacher as a small group well before you tell your story to the head. The head should be the last person to hear your story. Present your case politely to the teacher. Today’s teacher is not like the teacher of yesteryear. Today’s teacher is very approachable. This may sound difficult, but it does work because I have done it before.
When you approach the teacher and still you have no joy, then you can approach the head. Again as a group. Why am I emphasising the group issue, when you go alone and the teacher gets to know it’s you, your child maybe be victimised. Teachers are human, they are susceptible to anger and revenge.
Some parents in the name of democracy have shouted at teachers and given them a piece of their mind. This is not very wise. When you belittle your teacher on your own and he/she gets to know that you have “reported” them to the head, some teachers will not take it lightly and they will seek revenge and who do they revenge on, the child. The teacher will do what they call in this profession “packing your child” or “putting them in the freezer”. “Packing your child” means that the teacher just forgets your child exists in class. The teacher just frustrates the child. If your child raises their hand to contribute or participate in a class activity they just ignore them, when your child is late the teacher doesn’t care, when your child doesn’t do homework or corrections, the teacher doesn’t care. In short the teacher removes your child from their mind. I am not scaring anyone, it’s not all teachers who will revenge but some do revenge, hence the need to deal cautiously and politely with teachers if you have a problem with them.
At times you lose the battle of “the bad” teacher. When this happens and you love the school, just organise extra lessons for your child. Let us also avoid going to the school and saying I want my child to be taught by teacher so and so. We cannot run a school like that. What we should appreciate is that most teachers are qualified for the job. All I am trying to say is that let us as parents avoid as much as possible pitching up unnecessary fights with teachers because in many of the cases we are bound to lose these battles. When children have learning difficulties let us dialogue first with the teacher and then other means of resolving the problem can follow. Whatever the means, it must be done cautiously and professionally so that at the end of the day the child is not “frozen.”
It is therefore very important to get to know your fellow parents at the school so that when problems do arise, you can easily consult. Where do you meet and get to know other parents? You meet other parents at consultation days, school fundraising activities like family fun days and braais, speech and prize giving days and big church services for church schools.Unfortunately, some of us parents do not have any relationships with the school. We just pay fees, that’s it and we only go to school when we are called when our child has misbehaved.
During my days at St James Mission I met a parent loitering by the dorms asking for directions to the head’s office. You see, this is bad. Men are the chief culprits because for some reason they think school activities are for women. Just last month I was attending consultation day at a local private school for my daughter and in a quick survey, I realised that about 80 percent of the parents who were consulting teachers were ladies. The fathers are seen when the child has passed and are saying in the pub “my daughter has 13 points she is going to UZ to do Medicine . . .” good but did you ever participate in the child’s learning?
The learning culture has changed so much. In our days, those who went to school in the 70s and 80s and even before the 70s, remember that there was little fellowship between the parent and the teacher. You were just sent to mission school and you saw your parents on closing day or if you were lucky to fall ill and be sent home during the term. Now the learning of the child involves three people, the teacher, the child and the parent. If you do not assist your teachers in the learning of your child, you are the loser in the end.
At high school, the situation is slightly different when it comes to handling of the learning difficulties. The child has many teachers at high school. However the same problems may arise and the same process of resolving conflicts can be followed. One big problem I have observed at high school is when parents force children to do certain courses they cannot handle just to satisfy the parents’ ego. Because we want our child to be a doctor, we force sciences on them at A-Level. In the entire clan there hasn’t been a doctor in the past 50 years and suddenly you think your child can break that family script. Let us discuss our children’s career paths with them and avoid imposing careers on them because they will face learning difficulties. A certain girl whose father is a banker tells me that her father is forcing her to go into the commerce class at O-Level so that she pursues a finance career like him. The girl wants to do Science.
I am in no way saying that children must just be left to jump on any career path. All I am saying is that discuss with them and guide them where necessary but as much as possible, let the child do what they want. Some of the ways of handling the children’s learning difficulties with teachers will depend directly on the nature of the problem and the situation on the ground. All I was just saying in this article is that we do not need to confront teachers and give them our piece of mind. We do not need to report the teacher to the head before attempting to solve the problem with the teacher. There is need to participate fully in school activities. It makes it easier for you as the parent to deal with the school when problems arise.
Online Reporter