adminDear Coleen
My boyfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship after dating for a year.
We can’t move closer because we’re still young and it’s not our decision.
He seems confused because he says he loves me, yet he just wants to be best friends or friends with benefits.
But if he’s going to treat me the same as when we dated, then why break up?
I’m in love with him, so I feel very hurt. I’ve thought about giving him my virginity as a gift when we do meet. What should we do?
Coleen says
Don’t even think about doing that at this point.
It sounds to me that now you’re living far apart, he wants to have his cake and eat it, too.
If you love someone, you don’t just want to be friends with benefits.
And also, if you’re still a virgin, it would be sad if your first time was about persuading someone to stay with you.
He’s not worth it. Most of us don’t end up with the person we lose our virginity to but it should be a lovely, special thing at the time where there’s mutual love and respect.
To me, this “relationship” sounds like too much hassle — you don’t need to be involved in something this complicated at your age.
Long-distance relationships are hard enough when you’ve had years of dating experience.
Dear Coleen
I’m in love with someone I’ve known for three years. We were together for a year, but we both decided that we acted more like friends than lovers, so we ended the relationship.
We have the same group of friends so it was easy to still see each other and it seemed normal at first — and any romantic feelings I might have had for him had completely disappeared.
However, because we have the same mates, we ended up at a party one time and we had sex.
Since then, whenever we’re drunk we always end up in bed together.
To complicate matters, there’s someone who has told me multiple times that he loves me and I do have some feelings for him too, they’re just not as strong as those I have for the other guy.
I know my ex is only interested in me when we’re drunk, but I can’t help how much I like him. I feel awful for the other guy — he treats me so well and frequently asks to take me out on dates.
Who should I go for? The person I love or the person who loves me?
Coleen says
Honest answer: neither. Your ex is treating you like a friend with benefits and you’ve admitted yourself that he’s only interested in you when he’s drunk.
Unless he agrees to commit to you, this relationship is going nowhere.
Plus, are you sure you’re not just drifting back together because it’s easy and familiar?
Maybe there’s a reason you ended up in this situation? As for the other guy yes, he sounds lovely, but if that chemistry doesn’t exist between you it’s not something that you can manufacture.
And you can’t just date him because he’s nice to you.
You need to spend some time on your own to decide what it is you really want and give yourself the chance to meet other guys.
Stop sleeping with your ex — and if you’re worried that you won’t be able to resist his charms, then don’t go where you know he’ll be, or, if you do, don’t get blind drunk!
And tell the other guy you just want to be friends — stop leading him on.
When the right person finally comes along, you won’t be analysing it and over thinking it — you’ll just know that it’s right for you. — Online.
Online Reporter