Online Reporter
Dear Tete Joyie:
I recently realised that my helper has been involving my children in cleaning and cooking, despite the fact that I pay her well to handle these duties herself.
When I raised this with some family members, they dismissed my concerns and suggested that it is normal for children to assist a domestic worker.
While my kids seem excited to help — as many children would be, since chores feel more fun than homework — I see this as a problem. My 12 year old now prefers assisting the helper over attending extra lessons, and this shift in priorities was introduced by the helper.
As both a parent and her employer, I cannot allow my children’s academic focus to be undermined.
For this reason, I have decided not to renew her contract. My parents are visiting this afternoon, and we will have a formal sit down with her to explain the decision.
This is not a dismissal, but a non renewal based on principle.
Some argue she is “training” my children for independence, but I disagree.
I grew up with helpers myself, never had to clean during my upbringing, and still thrived academically. At university, cleaners maintained the halls of residence, meals were provided, and laundry facilities were available.
None of this prevented me from earning my Computer Science degree. My children will not “suffer in varsity” simply because they weren’t trained in housework — my generation and lineage are proof of that.
I pay above the standard rate with the expectation that my helper appreciates her role and performs it diligently, not that she turns my children into little assistants.
I want people to understand that my stance is about protecting my children’s academic focus and ensuring boundaries are respected in my household.
Tete Joyie Says:
It sounds like you are facing a clash of values: you see your helper’s actions as undermining your children’s academic focus, while others view it as instilling responsibility. To make your position clear without sounding dismissive, you will want to frame the conversation around boundaries, expectations, and respect for your parenting choices. Here is a structured way to communicate this during your sit-down:
Clarify your parenting philosophy
Reflect first
Ground the discussion in your values and long-term goals for your children.
Emphasise that academics are your priority for them at this stage
Explain that chores are not the main training you want for their future
Share your own upbringing as proof that lack of household labour did not hinder success
State employment expectations
Key conversation
Reinforce the professional boundaries of her role as a helper.
Say: “I hired you to handle household tasks so my children can focus on school. I don’t want them involved in your duties.”
Highlight that you pay above rate for her to manage these tasks independently
Make clear that involving the children is outside the scope of her job
Stress appreciation for her work, but insist on separation
Address family opinions calmly
Sensitive topic
Respond to relatives without defensiveness, focusing on your right to parent your way.
Acknowledge their perspective that chores build character
Reiterate that your children’s academic path is your chosen priority
Remind them that different families have different values and both can be valid
Close with respect and gratitude
End the conversation on a positive note to avoid hostility.
Thank her for her service and dedication
Explain that you are not dismissing her but simply not renewing the contract
Wish her well and affirm that this decision is about parenting philosophy, not her worth
By presenting it this way, you are showing that your stance isn’t about devaluing chores, but about protecting your children’s academic focus.
You can also remind your family that you’re making a deliberate parenting choice, just as they made theirs.
If you are looking for advice on the tricky situation that you find yourself in, WhatsApp 0716069196, and Tete Joyie will assist you in solving the problem. Remember, all those who write in remain anonymous
